My Angel Cloud (haiku I think)

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Open Poetry #27

My Angel Cloud (haiku I think)

angelblueyes
Member Elite

since 2003-07-19

Posts 2148
Oklahoma

0 posted 2003-07-23 10:35 PM

This is my first try at this.Any opinions or help would be appreciated.

I am the floating cloud.
You are the sweet angel.
That slumbers upon me.

angelblueyes

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

1 posted 2003-07-23 10:39 PM

Poetic & precious!

I do believe that this may be a senryu because my understanding is that a haiku is strictly on nature.

Whatever!--It's a gorgeous bit of poetry!

Luvs'n hugs,
EA

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

2 posted 2003-07-23 10:41 PM

Crystal...this is a lovely write, although not
quite a haiku.  A haiku/senryu consists of 3 lines, with
syllable counts of 5-7-5.  I hope you don't mind me
editing your poem as an example here...

I, a floating cloud
and you are the sweet angel.
slumber upon me.

This would be a correct syllable count for haiku or senryu.

Again, though..this is a lovely write, whether
haiku or not.       I enjoyed.
Hugs,
~Vicky

"My friends are my estate."
~Emily Dickinson

[This message has been edited by vlraynes (07-23-2003 10:53 PM).]

angelblueyes
Member Elite

since 2003-07-19

Posts 2148
Oklahoma

3 posted 2003-07-23 10:43 PM

EA: Thanks for the feedback, I'm trying to learn new things my flow of words is ok but I'm interested to learn different styles.Gotta start somewhere....LOL
angelblueyes

angelblueyes
Member Elite

since 2003-07-19

Posts 2148
Oklahoma

4 posted 2003-07-23 11:01 PM

Vicky: Thank you so much.That is the honesty I'm looking for. It helps out a bunch.
angelblueyes

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

5 posted 2003-07-23 11:22 PM

Either way, I enjoyed the delicate spin~

angelblueyes
Member Elite

since 2003-07-19

Posts 2148
Oklahoma

6 posted 2003-07-23 11:52 PM

BluesSerenade: Thank you so much.
angelblueyes

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

7 posted 2003-07-24 12:16 PM

Angel, I loved this poem. It's is so
soft and beautiful.

About the haiku/senryu, you will get it. I
enjoy doing the little syllable count poems, too.
A lot can be said in a few words.
Hugs

Ethel

angelblueyes
Member Elite

since 2003-07-19

Posts 2148
Oklahoma

8 posted 2003-07-24 12:37 PM

Ethel,
Thanks so much for the response.As they say I will always try try again.
angelblueyes

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