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Open Poetry #27
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fossilized
| Open Poetry #27 |
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fossilized |
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heavy New Member
since 2003-07-12
Posts 4 |
im drowning in the darkness soon to be fossilized oh wont someone come pull me out? oh wont someone come pull me out... i cant keep pretending god im still descending things have crashed and burned and still nothing is learned stop looking at me as if you can see you dont know a drop of the shallows i wade i flounder here in the blood of the weak and feast on the hearts of all i meet eater of the meek... i will rule the world you cant see you cant see dont pretend you know me |
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| © Copyright 2003 heavy - All Rights Reserved | |||
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
heavy, it is a good write, but you may want to do something with the following lines "i flounder here in the blood of the weak and feast on the hearts of all i meet eater of the meek... i will rule the world" they just don't fit, and they sound kind of weird....just my opinion...take it or leave it |
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