Blinking; Waking; Vivid Dreams - MgD (where should i take this?}

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Open Poetry #27

Blinking; Waking; Vivid Dreams - MgD (where should i take this?}

x8x_bigmike
Member

since 2003-07-08

Posts 130
California, USA

0 posted 2003-07-08 10:19 PM

Im trying to wrap this one up...is it done ... if not where do i take it...responses and crticisms welcomed...
Blinking, waking, vivid dreams
_______
Vivid dreams wake me shaken
While the sun reflects rainbows
through last nights glass
I see in spectrum
as the room bleeds
to the color of my cigarette
A slow drag, a flick, counted heart beats
as
ash
falls down,
muted
melodramatic
seconds matrixed
her voice pierces as
a whisper
i love you
But tired
from fighting
Demons
in my dreams
I blink
Slouching now, teased in my sleep
Blinking, waking, vivid dreams

Kahlil
Senior Member

since 2003-04-12

Posts 1881

1 posted 2003-07-08 10:36 PM

I think it's a wrap x8x! I very much like the way you wrote it and the "sinking" feeling it lends. Welcome to Passions!

Rosebud1229
Senior Member

since 2000-04-05

Posts 1813
North Carolina

2 posted 2003-07-08 10:40 PM

very vivid, and quite good, welcome, dreams do portray something that sometimes we tend to hide from.

x8x_bigmike
Member

since 2003-07-08

Posts 130
California, USA

3 posted 2003-07-08 11:25 PM

thanks for the support
i was thinking of adding the word shaken
at the end

Blinking, Waking, Vivid Dreams
Shaken

to give it circular felling...
anyway thanks very much...

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

4 posted 2003-07-09 06:40 AM

Welcome to Passions, Mike. We've got a great Critical Analysis forum when you're not sure if a poem is "done" or not. No put-downs, either - just some straightforward help in honing your craft.

Please, check your E-mail for a Special Greeting!

Karilea - if I whisper, will you listen?

1slick_lady
Member Ascendant

since 2000-12-22

Posts 6088
standing on a shadow's lace

5 posted 2003-07-10 02:17 AM

welcome to our passion sorry i didnt welcome you before now but i was with the class in basketweaving for the basketcases...h

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-02-22

Posts 9353
Michigan, USA

6 posted 2003-07-10 07:27 PM

Welcome!

A great first post.
Looking forward to reading you. ThisDiamond

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