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brian sites
Senior Member

since 2002-06-25

Posts 1475
usa

0 posted 2003-06-23 12:20 PM

        she says
don't reflect this part back
I know it too well
             and it is mine
I see
         with this eye...for you all
the other ...
the other ...
is for me
                        inward

can you see my burst...
    the nova in this eye?
I will touch you
with it's light
        I will play for you
dazzle

     but I have a private room
behind this curtain
          (microscope)
               you dare not see
it is for me
this playground .........broken bottles.......
needles
           lost treasures of broken dreams
so much noise
animals
         and water

I walk this barefoot

you can not follow
I will not let you

  I give you half of myself
        leave this
              leave this

for me

[This message has been edited by brian sites (06-23-2003 12:25 AM).]

Startime55
Member Elite

since 2003-04-05

Posts 2148
Alberta, Canada

1 posted 2003-06-23 12:24 PM

I turned inward as I read your poem and once again saw my little door that remains locked but sometimes I feel the strength to open it...Much more this happens since I have learned to write my heart...Magnificent writing...

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

2 posted 2003-06-23 12:31 PM

Damn dude, but this is a fine thing you've done here.

and this?

"it is for me
this playground .........broken bottles.......
needles
lost treasures of broken dreams
so much noise
animals
and water

I walk this barefoot

you can not follow
I will not let you"

is MOST tasty!

brian sites
Senior Member

since 2002-06-25

Posts 1475
usa

3 posted 2003-06-23 12:35 PM

thank you startime...that means a lot to me

and Thank you Ed.....you know ....

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

4 posted 2003-06-23 12:57 PM

I can't stop reading this...

Again, you melt the witch,
and leave me in a speechless puddle.

But...you LIKE ME THAT WAY, doncha?

mmmmmmmmmmmgrumblecodenuzzlemmmmmmmmmmmm

gemjop
Member Elite

since 2002-11-18

Posts 2587
Pencilveinia, USA

5 posted 2003-06-23 08:27 AM

you can not follow
I will not let you

  I give you half of myself
        leave this
              leave this

for me
i'm with serenity, i just kept re reading.
oooooooh how do you do it to us everytime?

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

6 posted 2003-06-23 08:28 AM

what a way with words!

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

7 posted 2003-06-23 08:56 AM

When we see the catastrophe of our lives, and only want to share the best of ourselves, it does pose a problem when folks say "give me more".

Brian, an excellent, insightful write. Well done, Sir.

Kahlil
Senior Member

since 2003-04-12

Posts 1881

8 posted 2003-06-23 09:08 AM

this is so enjoyable to read!

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

9 posted 2003-06-23 10:33 AM

can you see my burst...
the nova in this eye?
I will touch you
with it's light
I will play for you
dazzle
===============================

me thinks you touched the light of inspiration with this gem of pen...
very very cool write poet sir.

JilGirl
Member

since 2003-05-24

Posts 364
Washington

10 posted 2003-06-23 10:39 AM

Gracious! The baring of a soul
in such a sensitive and well
penned write! The spacing kept
the pace and made it flow well.
Awesome!!!

Blessings!
Shirl

'Tiz feathers that make the bird -
Always remember to keep them fluffed
but, never, EVER ruffle them!

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

11 posted 2003-06-23 10:46 AM

Wow!!

Susan

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

12 posted 2003-06-23 11:16 AM

brian

The broken glass of things kept seperate, the sharing of the better half...deep and thoughtful and said in just the right way to make an impact. Much enjoyed!

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

13 posted 2003-06-23 11:21 AM

reading my mind..

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

14 posted 2003-06-23 11:42 AM

Bri?

thank you
I have my own take on this too
xxoo

[This message has been edited by littlewing (06-23-2003 11:08 PM).]

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

15 posted 2003-06-23 10:13 PM

You've captured this well, in the text and context, and even the shape of this poem.

We all have this space, though many of us pretend not to. If luck and the transit of souls allows, you may -may- find someone, and if utterly lucky, more than one someone, who can enter with you, know that part of you as well.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

16 posted 2003-06-24 12:57 PM

smile?

I still can't stop reading this...

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

17 posted 2003-06-24 03:45 PM

I'm ashamed to say I'm not really familiar with your work... I won't continue that mistake... this is excellent. *S*

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

18 posted 2003-06-24 04:00 PM

a wonderful write, Brian. I love the repetition of words.

M

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

19 posted 2008-08-13 10:09 PM

Good Write!

ARCTIC WIND

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