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Open Poetry #27
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not any more than any man nor any less than hers -- I am (rewrite)
| Open Poetry #27 |
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not any more than any man nor any less than hers -- I am (rewrite) |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia 
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immersed in amber tresses I am not any more than any man nor any less than hers I am when she dances I am in the duration baptized born again each tick a sin rolled back timeless the watch beats double she smiles and the years retire in the solitude of amber eyes pervasive, wise she touches and guileless flesh turns guilty knees to knees to fingertips on dancing thighs she speaks strains of serenity tranquility spills from amber lips to eager ears filling a soul empty a sigh a laugh and hello turns to valediction again too soon but still she dances in my veins in my soul she whispers in my mind she smiles and so I am [This message has been edited by Local Rebel (06-22-2003 11:38 PM).] |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Fantastic writing never saw the original but this..well done yet again. You've got another fan |
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timothysangel1973
since 2001-12-03
Posts 1725Never close enough |
I am in the duration baptized born again each tick a sin rolled back Ooooooh, I am liking the sound of that Rebel. I love the entire write, but that stanza does something for me way down inside. Thanks for the thought that you gave me. Lots a southern love, Tima C. Please visit my website: www.southerncountrywebdesign.com/~heart/ |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Well, someone sure got to your amber heart rhythm.  I enjoyed this write from you. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Smile. You've captured a moment of sacred. This is bliss. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
and so I am... jealous of her |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
LocalRebel~ Stunning imagery, softly displayed~ *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
nice write reb...you are still living up to your rep of being 'not totally without charm' rofg the ladies all swoon at every word...*smile* love your poetry, you have a gift [This message has been edited by jellybeans (06-24-2003 10:19 AM).] |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
nice work... form and wording create the feeling.. and the reader is left with an understanding of somethign personal. enjoyed... fried the tranny huh? Dang..hate it when that happens...lol.. my experience along those lines were more like an electrical fire... whe it was all said and done, wasn't much left but the charred hulk with even the tires melted... ah well... restoration is an art form they say... |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
thanks to all... very much  guess I still have some work to do on this one because no one seems to be getting the references to amber and the subtext of what's going on...  midnite -- yeah -- she was something special... karen -- a little slice of sacred sin... yep... aenimal the original was titled "when she dances" and it's way back in open, um, i forget... thanks beanie baby -- thanks -- dixie chick... it aint nuttin but memories of phenolethylalamine, adrenaline, and dopamine from days gone by |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
tima -- thanks to you too.. glad you enjoyed! ron -- thank you sir... and about that transmission -- did I mention I was going about 120mph down the freeway when it locked up? the insurance company said I was totalled... I keep looking around in boneyards for parts though |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
LR, want you to know I came back for another read, as this one really got stuck in my mind for some reason. Nosey me, was her name Amber? Methinks there is much more going on in this poem, below the surface and second layered reading. |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
The title is poetry. *S* And thisin my soul she whispers in my mind she smiles and so I am is wonderful. *S* I may not be getting all the layers, nephew... no surprise there! LOL But I'm liking what I read. *S* P.S. Hope your feathers didn't get scorched! LOL [This message has been edited by suthern (06-23-2003 03:22 PM).] |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Where is the magick bag that this one came from, m'friend? It is... wonderful! |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
oops -- i missed marge thanks marge -- my apologies midnite -- the hints are baptized, immersed, and in my veins, in the beginning it is real -- in the end it is only in my mind -- I am being fossilized in her -- now she is only like amber-- an encasement around me--  thanks for trying to deciphersunshine --mmm... all the magic was hers -- thanks! |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
suthern -- you snuck in on me ! thank you much ma'am... huggsZzzz |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
Enjoyed the Write! ARCTIC WIND |
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