The sun was barely rising on that Alabama morn,
The kind of day that made one feel happy to be born
But Toerag, still hung-over from his binge the night before,
Felt so depressed he knew he couldn't take it anymore.

Again he'd tried to bag the 'deer and once again he failed,
Once more to face the ridicule of having been "Toe-nailed".
He'd tried so many times before he had to win just once
But, when it came to hunting 'deer, poor Toerag was a dunce.

It became a nightly ritual down at Crazy Jim's saloon
To see poor Toerag stumble in beneath the 'Bama moon.
His face would be so bloody he looked more dead than alive,
Clothes torn and limping from a beating few men could survive.

"Hey, Toe! You try again?", his buddies raised their glass in cheer.
"You gotta know that you ain't smart enough to catch the 'deer."
"I'll get him next time!!", Toe screamed out. "That 'deer ain't got no chance!",
Which made his buddies laugh so hard they almost pee'd their pants!

But this time would be different - it would be an all-out war!
Toe gathered every gun he had and threw them in the car.
He headed for that patch of woods where 'deer made his domain,
Intent on bringing down the beast that caused him so much pain.

He tracked that 'deer for hours - caught a quick glimpse now and then
But, everytime he lined him up, 'deer disappeared again.
That beast was almost supernatural, like some strange mirage,
For sure he was the master of the art of camoflage.



At last he reached a clearing where he saw 'deer stand his ground.
The woods grew strangely quiet, not a solitary sound.
The breeze had stopped its rustling as if silenced by the fear
Of seeing Toerag, weapons raised, stand challenging the 'deer.

The forest creatures saw the deer hooves pawing at the ground.
They saw his horns like sabers lower - heard his heartbeat pound.
They saw Toe's finger on the trigger, watched his eyes grow large
As, with the speed of lightning, 'deer came on in final charge!!

At Crazy Jim's, the boys were sipping on their nightly brews.
A few were playing pinball, shooting pool, discussing news.
They heard a honking horn outside disturb the evening air
And all went to the window to see what the hell was there.

"Well, Toerag's back", one voice called out. "It seems the hunt is done.
We tried to tell that fool but he don't listen to no one."
All faces at the window gave a sad and knowing smile
For they knew well what meant 'deer hunting - Alabama style.