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| Open Poetry #26 |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095
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hideaway we smiled at our familiar so sure of ourselves sitting in early summer face to face around a wobbly glass-frosted table top we found comfort in cigarettes she knew I always had to have one when with her I knew she’d join me and through puffs of wanting I sat in secret sipping sin lapping up the lapis in her eyes they tumbled over and around in fickle chatter parting syllables onto my lap aimlessly burning it while my legs held onto the air storming me Angel of Darkkness 23rd April 2003 |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Maree "I sat in secret sipping sin lapping up the lapis in her eyes they tumbled over and around in fickle chatter parting syllables" Lovely sound to this...and the emotional pull so real, and through the quiet of it, so beautifully done.  |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Thank you Martie....love you! Maree  [This message has been edited by Dark Angel (04-23-2003 12:17 AM).] |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
and through puffs of wanting I sat in secret sipping sin I liked those lines alot, and the storming within. Nice lightening show you've created here Ms. Maree~ |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
and through puffs of wanting I sat in secret sipping sin lapping up the lapis in her eyes they tumbled over and around in fickle chatter parting syllables onto my lap aimlessly burning it while my legs held onto the air storming me =============================== I love the abstract originality of your poetry...and the personification and the intensity of this Maree... you make me wanna have a cig and I dont even smoke  very cool write girlie!! You're the best I've ever felt ... |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
we found comfort in cigarettes .. and through puffs of wanting .. I sat in secret sipping sin lapping up the lapis in her eyes they tumbled over and around in fickle chatter parting syllables .. onto my lap .. aimlessly burning it while my legs held onto the air .. storming me -------------- loved this one loads... glad to have come across this one, Maree... regards sudhir |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I am not sure if this is a weave, or a knit... but it's warm, and comfortable, and mine!  |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Beautiful piece of writing Maree. Extremely sensual, there's a want or longing in these words that pulls the reader in with you. PS Love the new pic! Nice to see the dark one smile |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
DarkAngel~ 'we smiled at our familiar' I LOVE this line !!! *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
I began to pick the lines I enjoyed the most and realized..it was every one of them... for they lean on one another as if stacked in care to support the whole.. this... this is an exceptional piece... |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
a great write...gave me a mood, a feeling, and I like when poetry does that |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Ms Blues thank you so much, glad you liked the show Janet Marie..thank you so very much glad you enjoyed, now don't go picking up any cigs ok. Hi Sudi, always lovely to see you reply.. I thank you so very much. Sunshinygirl, so glad to keep yo warm m'dear.. thank you so very much  Raph, nice to know that this piece pulled you in with me Thank you for your lovely reply and liking my pic.Marge.. thank you so much for your always lovely comments. Cpat, I am humbled by your reply.. thank you so much. Passing Shadows... I like it when my poetry does that too Thank you so very much. |
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Brad Majors
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647Georgia |
This is brilliant! |
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KristieSue
since 2003-01-31
Posts 1460PA, US |
Excellent writing when you can make me want a cigarette with your words... great job! Failure isn't failure if a lesson from it is learned ~ KS |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
Dark Angel - I like this writing, as it says a lot to me when I read it. Nice... BC |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Maree: I sat in secret sipping sin lapping up the lapis in her eyes love this line - amazing writing here (nice picture too) xxoo |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Noticing another shift in style from you in the last few poems I've read... You're running words together, leaving images slightly undone - as in the first line. Those are tricky techniques really dear, and it's a sign of your growth as a poet that they work very well... I think you should applaud yourself on this one.. huggles soul-sis  K |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
This is the kind of thing that (annoys)me off, no end. I grow impatient, waiting to find this level of wordcraft. Oh! and the substance ain't half bad either. Ed [This message has been edited by wranx (04-24-2003 05:52 PM).] |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Bravo! You stacked the words together just so - and left a haunting image behind. Kethry Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
I sat in secret sipping sin lapping up the lapis in her eyes Stunning lines in a superb whole... I liked this very much. *S* |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Brad? thank you so much for the "brilliant" I'm humbled. Krisite Sue.. thank you so very much and for popping in. Bill...thank you so much for your lovely reply. littlewing...I thank you for the "amazing" Soul-sis....SB....thank you much m'love couldn't have done of it without you. Wranx.. you pay me a wonderful compliment.. thank you so much Hey Lynne, thank you muchly for the "Bravo" and for being here Sutherngal.. I thank you for your lovely reply and for stopping by. Again thank you all for taking the time to read lil ole me... much appreciated. |
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A. L. Becker Member
since 2002-09-06
Posts 167San Francisco, California |
That was really reheheheally good! "Oh, do not ask, 'What is it?' |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Enjoyed..James |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
glad this one came back up |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
Well done!  Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn. |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
and through puffs of wanting I sat in secret sipping sin lapping up the lapis in her eyes This kind of emotional overlay....point and counterpoint within the poem as two separate lines of thought and imagery merged into one. I tried something like this one time and liked the result, though it wasn't nearly as starkly effective as this. I think I just got a writing assignment -- glad I stopped to look you over.... ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA |
I'm just in awe in general  this is one of those poems that you want to read over and over again...thats my way of saying I enjoyed itIf at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried. |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Maree, you have a very beautiful face and an engaging smile--and you can write, woman!  Warm hugs, Linda |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
I really hate to use the word 'captivating', but this really is Mmy dear. You were however a naughty little babyroo for not sending me a note to look for something new from you  JThere is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (sigh) Oh Maree, I love this, sweet friend, you always pull us in with your wonderful surreality and expressions that seem to captivate the moment for real! (kiss on cheek) God Bless You, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Maree, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton Underneath your clothes, there's an endless story |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Nice metaphorical write, DA - Your imagery is exceptional... |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
A.L Becker, JamesMichael, passing shadows,JP, Ratleader, Ceinwyn, Earth Angel, Mistletoe Angel, Nan and Jamie..... Thank you so very much for stopping by, for your lovely replies and compliments. I do so very much appreciate it. er Jamie...where have you been? you little poohbear. Thought you left town. Maree |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
I had to come home sooner or later dear |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
nice |
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