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Open Poetry #26
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Unfaithfulness is a sharp edged knife
| Open Poetry #26 |
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Unfaithfulness is a sharp edged knife |
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Broken Member
since 2000-03-12
Posts 271The woods 
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UNFAITHFULNESS IS A SHARP EDGED KNIFE I know, babe, I know It's been a long long time It sure hurts to meet you And it's sad to see you cry It's sad to hear you love me still But your sorries are still no good Your act were unforgivable And so are you It's not that I don't want to It's not that I don't try But every time I look at you I'm seeing you and him |
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| © Copyright 2003 Jay Hartson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Selina Member
since 2003-06-07
Posts 62Philadelphia, PA, USA |
Wow, Broken, what amazing words. You "hit the nail on the head" with that one.  "If it's true you never loved me, there's no deception as you cry..." --SDaws |
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icebox Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383in the shadows |
"It's sad to hear you love me still But your sorries are still no good Your act were unforgivable And so are you It's not that I don't want to It's not that I don't try But every time I look at you I'm seeing you and him" You had a rhyme set established in the rhythm of the words, then it broke. With all due respect, try this: It's sad to hear you love me still, but your apology's no good. Your acts were unforgivable, you wouldn't mean it if you could. It's not that I don't want to, it's not that I don't try, but every time I look at you I see him in your eyes. Your thoughts are clear and strong. It is a good poem, thank you for sharing it. |
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Foxyoasis Senior Member
since 2003-06-10
Posts 974Atlantic Beach,Fla |
good write |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
yes, just exactly right! |
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