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Open Poetry #26
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crimson tear
Member
since 2003-06-07
Posts 76
Massachusetts

0 posted 2003-06-07 10:44 PM


Hold my heavy heart
In your tired palm
My whole life
But it’s just too much for you
So you drop me
And walk away
Leave me to fend for myself
The wind blows hard
The driving rain into my soul
There’s no light
For you were my sun
I can’t explain the pain
I can’t explain the hurt
When you said that word
Goodbye
One solitary word
Yet it contains the power to break me
I lie shattered before you
And you step and walk on
Without me
How can you expect me to move on
How can you expect me to find another
How can anyone compare to an angel
I once basked in your radiance
Now I shiver in the dark
Our love is now burned out
Our flame no more than a flicker
I wonder where you are
Who you’re with
Who do those eyes look upon now
Filled with the love that was once mine
I will try to continue but my love is lost
And I am left behind

[This message has been edited by crimson tear (06-09-2003 03:04 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 shane - All Rights Reserved
QjQ
Member Elite
since 2003-04-18
Posts 3756
U.S.A.
1 posted 2003-06-07 10:46 PM


nice thoughts expressed,,,

Poetry is a vision that portrays ones impressions.QjQ

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant
since 2002-06-08
Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA
2 posted 2003-06-07 10:47 PM


I felt exactly like this after my ex greg dumped me. Now I have Liam. You will find love again in time. I enjoyed this poem a lot.

Cold hands means a warm heart

SarBear
Member
since 2003-06-05
Posts 205
Massachusetts
3 posted 2003-06-07 10:54 PM


this is kind of how i felt when my boyfriend dumped me. even though we hadnt been going out for a long time it still hurt a lot.  and i felt so alone.  but i can imagine it is 10 times worse in a long time relationship situation.  keep it up sibling dearest
laurie
Member
since 2003-05-28
Posts 153
canada, ontario
4 posted 2003-06-07 11:19 PM


good work, shane.. beauty of a poem, and well written. laurie
"think about it!"
anyway, good work, l liked it a lot.

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353
Michigan, USA
5 posted 2003-06-07 11:32 PM


Welcome to PIP...
A strong write...very heartfelt and deeply sorrowed.  
As you work, you might think about the tense of the thoughts, keeping them close knit...seemed to shift just a little, and your talent is dynamic...will ease the reader along more gently to enjoy.
Looking forward to more of your poetry.
Really good.
ThisDiamond

skyshine
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-02-07
Posts 3058
Beneath the northern stars
6 posted 2003-06-07 11:40 PM


Welcome to Passions! This is very powerful, crimson tear. I hope things look up for you soon.

~Elizabeth

Dreams last for so long, even after you're gone...
~Jewel

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
7 posted 2003-06-08 04:20 AM


i know this well
littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
8 posted 2003-06-08 12:03 PM


Ahh shane . . .  wish I didnt know this - but I do - being the reciepient of such things . . .  I am filled with guilt

this one hurt . . .

brilliant write btw
xxoo

Magnus
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA
9 posted 2003-06-08 12:59 PM


My, but what power is held with the word of
goodbye when such deep love is felt...

Penned well.  

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