Going home (15 years later)

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Open Poetry #26

Going home (15 years later)

morefiah
Member

since 2003-03-26

Posts 150
Spanish Town, Jamaica

0 posted 2003-05-30 01:26 PM

Footsteps: trampling across
the room;
echoing hollowly from bare walls
Measured, deliberate steps
pacing away, and away.

An empty room: an empty room
that sits alone; brooding,
replaying memories of a day
not long ago
when now dark corners were
filled with mementos,
memories of unfolding years,
Preceding, and preceding.

Fading footsteps: Distant footsteps;
barely recognizable echoes
fading into silence,
leaving only traces on the floor;
Dusty imprints left behind,
bestirred by gusts under the door:
Infant twisters
that obliterate the remains
of footsteps...

Now only memories prevail,
Locked away in silence.

Reposted from Open 25. I finally came up with a title.
GH.

[This message has been edited by morefiah (05-30-2003 01:32 PM).]

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

1 posted 2003-05-30 01:28 PM

nice write, nice title...kinda sad

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant

since 2002-06-08

Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA

2 posted 2003-05-30 01:36 PM

This is beautifully penned but kinda sad.

Cold hands means a warm heart

kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

3 posted 2003-05-31 11:22 AM

Distant footsteps;
barely recognizable echoes
fading into silence,

rather vivid--i can almost hear those echoes myself...

i also liked the way how you used repetition to great effect here

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

4 posted 2003-05-31 10:08 PM

morefiah~
Nicely done...I enjoyed this.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

5 posted 2003-05-31 10:17 PM

Nice, the dust motes stirred my memories.
Kethry

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown

morefiah
Member

since 2003-03-26

Posts 150
Spanish Town, Jamaica

6 posted 2003-06-02 10:44 AM

Passing Shadows.... Thank you. I find it more haunting than sad tho.

Loner... Thanks. Nice of you.

Kaile... Much appreciated. Thanks for the thoughts.

Vlraynes... Glad you enjoyed it.

Kethry... Thanks for the kind thoughts.

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