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Open Poetry #26

hidden crush Remix

kauai
Junior Member

since 2003-05-18

Posts 12

0 posted 2003-05-19 03:31 AM

I used imput from "Wings" and here it goes.

In with the breeze
Out with the tide,
My secret is out
where can I hide?
What is this strong pain?
I feel like I'm driving
down a one way lane.
Sent the dove out
it did not return,
is this the feeling
that makes me cringe and yearn?
What else can do?
I'm so lost right now,
I've tried what I know
and I've lost her somehow.
Like the smoke of a candle
She is not be held,
when the candle goes out
the heat can't be felt.
It's time to move on
now she'll never know,
the love she could have had
would have been pure as first snow.

DO YOU LIKE IT BETTER LIKE THIS?

QjQ
Member Elite

since 2003-04-18

Posts 3756
U.S.A.

1 posted 2003-05-19 03:34 AM

Good write all so, i can't decide? i think there both good!!

Poetry gives us relief, We give poetry reason.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

2 posted 2003-05-19 04:41 AM

yeah, can't decide either...

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