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Open Poetry #26
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What A Shame
| Open Poetry #26 |
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What A Shame |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA 
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What a Shame Before you there were others, just as confident, smug, so sure they would understand. But, I’m not so easily saved, made a slave to your carnal manhood. And if you only looked you would have seen the truth behind the gleam, of eyes in realize that you’re just another carbon copy of all the ones before. If only once you listened to the breath behind the words focusing on something more rather than fantasizing me in something less you would have claimed the best – my heart. If only you saw past the long legs, the chocolate dipped curls and the waist-cinched wiggle from starvation, you would have been within my skin, but it’s a sin when a man who’s only a boy wants the sex, and not the soul of a woman. The glass slippers I wear for you have cracked because you can’t seem to take your stare off my chest or indulge in clever conversation without your shallow banter. Last I checked romance wasn’t a dance of chance when every second or third word you pick up is changed to some sleazy innuendo in your favour. Behind the veil I let the real of me die for a love that's never real. You see not the invisible walls, the scars, or the lonely eyes. You only see puckered lips, the perky breasts, a woman’s disguise. But, I’m just as much the fool. I am fraudulent fervor in the search, and that’s why I give up. By Melissa P. Long-Monette The title seems almost boring, cliche. So I welcome any suggestions for a new title OR if you like the title as it is now, let me know too. Thanks~ [This message has been edited by Honeybee (05-18-2003 10:58 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Melissa P. Long-Monette - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Darcy New Member
since 2003-05-18
Posts 7 |
Lovely poem... very poignant. Made me feel real sorry for you! As for the title, how about 'Look Behind My Veil' or 'He Looks, But He Doesn't See'. Anyway, enjoyed this poem very much! |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
I like the title. Think it sums up the poem very well. Not cliche. More like a shaking of the head in the knowledge that he simply doesn't 'get it'. |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Melissa: this deserves something on a more grandiose scale - the title . . . I know one should be grateful to have such locks and legs . . . but no I agree that beneath the surface is what matters . . . to me anyhow Is truly awful that many are judged because of this - looks etc - if one would take time to look into the soul . . . they would probably get a good glimpse at themselves "Trestle" comes to me . . . you know the framework . . . amazing write btw xxoo [This message has been edited by littlewing (05-18-2003 07:49 PM).] |
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Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA |
*sigh* I know these words too well!!! amazing write...such raw provocative emotion and I can't spell lol sorry...*hides now* If at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried. |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
Honeybee - If only once you listened to the breath behind the words focusing on something more rather than fantasizing me in something less you would have claimed the best – my heart. I have found it amazing and confusing at times when one shares with someone these very words and they have not the slighest idea what one is talking about. A shame I also find it for in the end they always lose... Great write... BC |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
This does perplex the heart...when it is the outside that is shared, but not the inside...As if the two could ever be separated at birth. Excellent write. TD |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
I can't say I have any idea what this feels like except that it hurts and that I do know well enough. Great writing Melissa and may you find what you seek |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
yeah, I found a few like that myself...hmmm...on second thought, they've ALL been like that!  men! gotta live with 'em...you can't kill 'em, right? |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
This poem is so sadly the case in more relationships than we care to acknowledge... You've pretty much said it all..."A man loves with his eyes and a woman loves with her heart"... Somehow we need to bridge that gap, don't we? Well written, Honeybee...  |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Melissa, How old did you say you were? That's allot of sage for you age. I really have no worry for you.  Great write. |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
Dear Honeybee, It's nice to look at beauty, but all men aren't the same, men, but not of carbon in each action or in name, you foil youself in beauty to seduct the gaze and will, so nature takes its journey down the road of love and fill. Hear passed the words of complement of which you love to hear, hold back on your comparison that's seeming just mud clear, for if it's right you'll know it, when the copy turns to say, I love your mind my darling and now let's ride away. Not fair to compare, much kinder to share. Did enjoy the write and the feelings it gave to write. Sincerely Rick |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Great write Melissa!' Great message....very well done! Be well..be happy. ~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~ ~Somewhere in my heart I'm always |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
this is excellent. . . great work my friend. . . -------------------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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bslicker
since 2000-12-04
Posts 2321state of mind |
Very nice writing. Bernie |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Love the angle you're coming from in this piece. Clever writing! |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Hard, but beautifully written. I like this very much, and part of the liking is this: Behind the veil I let the real of me die for a love that's never real. You see not the invisible walls, the scars, or the lonely eyes. You only see puckered lips, the perky breasts, a woman’s disguise. A good friend of mine has exactly that problem -- brilliant mind, deep personality, and men (including this one in his weaker moments) see only the glorious exterior. The worst of 'em assume that because she looks that way, there's nothing else to her....and she hates it, hates it! I might send her this. |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Behind the veil I let the real of me die for a love that's never real. You see not the invisible walls, the scars, or the lonely eyes. You only see puckered lips, the perky breasts, a woman’s disguise. Melissa, I really thought that I had already made a reply to this. Dear one, this hurts, too. I know. This has happened to me, too, and that's one of the reason's I feel so blessed now to have my Honey-Love. I honestly believe he loves me for all of me...inside and out. Melissa, you have a beautiful heart because it shows through your poetry very strongly. If this is about your own personal experiences, I believe that you will find someone who loves the all of you, too.  Heart hugs, Ethel |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggssssssss) It is saddening to see men love without holding the chivalry, dearest friend, but believe me, you will find that special someone who will respect you and how you feel and the glass slippers won't give you blisters! (sigh) God Bless You, sweet friend, the title to me is excellent, after all, life throws you plenty of cliches and this title so perfectly recognizes that turmoil, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Melissa, thank you for sharing! May love and light awlays shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton Underneath your clothes, there's an endless story |
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2dalimit Member Elite
since 2000-02-08
Posts 2228Mississippi coast |
.....You see not the invisible walls, the scars, or the lonely eyes. You only see puckered lips, the perky breasts, a woman’s disguise. But, I’m just as much the fool..... Enjoyed the entire poem. Thanks Melton |
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