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Open Poetry #26
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Blue Mountain Blues
| Open Poetry #26 |
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Blue Mountain Blues |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space 
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I allowed myself a little hope feeling an overwhelming sense of change heading up towards the cabin It hung in the air.. at least something did Clawing for the window I turned to see him stifling a laugh as he drove You foul bastard I gasped Blame the salsa he grinned I stuck my head out the window never ride with a programmer their eating habits were inhuman Who else dips chocolate chip cookies in salsa? When the coast was clear I came back in You're sure she's going to be there? I asked He looked over annoyed and looked back at the road I'd only asked him 10 times or so but it was important THIS was the day I'd finally had the courage to ask Walking towards the cabin I tried my best to stand straight gaining 4 or 5 inches I lost in slouch She opened the door with a smile that smile.. and introduced me to her new boyfriend I introduced myself to all the liqours in the cabinet the rest of the weekend |
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| © Copyright 2003 raphael giuffrida - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
"She opened the door with a smile that smile..." I can feel the tense in the muscle on this one, Raph... good job of painting the picture... and leading us to that bar. |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Thanks Karilea just playing with a different style a storyteller approach but it comes off more as prose than poetry methinks. Oh well. |
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Justbleu Member Elite
since 1999-08-31
Posts 3329Oregon, Originally From Alaska :) |
Bummer.... I very much enjoyed!!!! Bridgette  "Somewhere, somehow, it should be possible to touch someone and never let go again. To hold someone, not for a moment but forever." Unknown |
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Jason Lyle Senior Member
since 2003-02-07
Posts 1438With my darkling |
No Raph, this is poetry, and good poetry.You had me laughing for a second, at your friends foul guy humor.(how like us guys, had an employee fart in my face last week, and how immature I thought it was so funny)After a good laugh I read on and you brought the poem home.A sad ending, you write from life, sorry this is your life sometimes.I raise my glass with you. Jason By the way, I must have busted my arse a 1000 times skiing Blue Mountian |
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garysgirl  
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Raph, I was going to write something really serious about the last part of the poem, but then I read Jason's reply about his employee. LOL So, you know what part of all your poem stuck in my mind, don't you? HeeHee!!  So, I just thought I would copy and paste it in case anyone happens to miss that part. LOL  It hung in the air.. at least something did Clawing for the window I turned to see him stifling a laugh as he drove You foul bastard I gasped Blame the salsa he grinned I stuck my head out the window never ride with a programmer their eating habits were inhuman Who else dips chocolate chip cookies in salsa? When the coast was clear I came back in Very good story-telling, Raphey. I could almost smell ...eeerrr...I mean see it. Well, I'm gonna hush because nothing else I say is going to come out right..  Hugs, Ethel [This message has been edited by garysgirl (05-12-2003 04:46 PM).] |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Ethel, did you really say "come out right?"  |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Oh my goodness, Karilea. I did, didn't I? LOL I knew I had better hush, because I had already said too much as it was. HaHa. |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoyed  |
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Richy Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 3050 |
Aenimal, I really like the storytelling style... And what a great story it was... Hey thank goodness Johnnie Walker, and Jack Daniels were there to give you some southern comfort... Very enjoyable! Richy |
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FlyingCloud Member
since 2003-04-28
Posts 151A little place inside my head |
I think that this poem can relate to everyone in some way or another. For me, its the 'chocolate chip cookies in salsa' bit. Mmmm.... +Genuine poetry can communicate before it is understood.+ |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Raph: this is awesome- the writing - that is . . . you are just booming - I love it! (hoping this didnt really happen) my heart to you if it did . . . laughing here - you are brilliant xxoo |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
I like this style...it's like a stream of consciousness story poem and it works well. And? if this is based on real life...sucks to be you hehe  Sowwy, sowwy!  Remember what I told ya, us chicks like 'exotic' men, so I'm sure there's more cabin girls waiting.... Melissa Intellectually I know that Canada is no better than any other country. Emotionally I KNOW that Canada is the best country in the world! |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
LOL, I had a reply on the tip of my tongue, but spit it out after reading acouple of previous replies. LOL, but I'm buyin ya the next round. |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Thanks bridgette glad you did Jason Blue Mountain Canada? The funny thing is I've been to Blue Mountain about 5 times with all my friends and only once has any of us gone skiing. Closest thing we got to sports was throwing the football on the mountain drunk out of our minds. come out right? ethel you walked right into that one grin Karilea caught wind(pardon the pun..grin) of your mistake too thanks vandana Richy yes Jack was on hand and a whole bunch of his friends Flyingcloud you gotta be a computer programmer then Sue nice to see you laughin and smilin Melissa yeah i remember you telling me that but I recall answering with a Not Bloody Likely or something similar. Kacy it's a deal |
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Jason Lyle Senior Member
since 2003-02-07
Posts 1438With my darkling |
Yes, Blue Mountian Canada.Its the only part of Canada I have been to.About a 15 hour drive for me.A beautiful country. And it was also probably do to my own drinking, that led me to fall down that mountain so many times Jason |
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