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Essorant
Member Elite

since 2002-08-10

Posts 4769
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada

0 posted 2003-02-14 08:38 PM

Queen of the Mere

The argent nightsurrounded moon
full, in the heyday of its noon
sate like a union in a pouch,
glanced like a lady from her couch,
surviewing with a kenning eye
winds and moods - the soul of the sky.
No clouds intruded on her gaze
no folds of night disturbed her phase
like Cleopatra in warm milk
or in a gown of luscious silk
thus did she bathe in summer air
and luxuries of heaven's care.
Soon, looked evenlong to a mere
whose glazen face a grace did rear.
From off its sandy verge, with pride
in regal plumes to swiftly glide,
the remeant Queen filled her sight
then like a dream on wings, took flight.

Union: a large type of pearl

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

1 posted 2003-02-14 08:41 PM

I like your choice of language in this poem, and the rhyme scheme is quite charming. The image is crystal-clear, yet still quite abstract... which I also enjoyed. I don't fully understand the ending but still, overall I like this poem. Nice work.

Parasite

"Faith" means the will to avoid knowing what is true.
~ Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

2 posted 2003-02-14 08:43 PM

Such beautiful descriptions... what a wonderful dream and a wonderful piece. Nice work!

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.--Jesus Christ

Essorant
Member Elite

since 2002-08-10

Posts 4769
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada

3 posted 2003-02-14 08:57 PM

Local Parasite,

Thank you for your kind comments.
The end I kept vague for various interpretation...I wanted something suggesting the moon's reflection, coming of a dream, and the coming of day all being like swan at once--A swan is the main image I hope is recieved.
Thank you again for taking a look into this.

Lovebug
I love your name.  Thank you for reading and enjoying.

Take care,
Essorant

[This message has been edited by Essorant (02-14-2003 08:57 PM).]

Ina
Senior Member

since 2000-10-09

Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

4 posted 2003-02-14 09:17 PM

this piece was quiet lovely in the sense of the images in portrayed...it began and ended on two very nice lines...well done

Regina

"heaven truley knows that thou art false as hell...one that loved not wisely,but too well..she swore..'twas a strange ,'twas passing strange"-othello

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

5 posted 2003-02-14 09:24 PM

Can I offer a bit of criticism? I wasn't going to vote for this but your explanation let me see the poem more fully, and now I'm going to cast my vote in your favour as I can better evaluate this piece (your explanation makes me think more of it, perhaps I wasn't looking hard enough for meaning

). And well, I like it.

My only criticism is that your meter stumbles in a few places. You might want to go back and try to even it out a little bit. That's all I have to say, for the most part I like your use of vocab, the image and the meaning of this, so count my vote in your favour, regardless of whether or not you accept my suggestion.

Parasite

"Faith" means the will to avoid knowing what is true.
~ Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Essorant
Member Elite

since 2002-08-10

Posts 4769
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada

6 posted 2003-02-14 09:57 PM

Ina
Thank you...I'm glad to know you enjoyed.

LP,
I welcome and appreciate all critique/suggestions as people may have.
My only problem is that I was a better writer when I wrote this a while back, and am afraid to try and work with writing again whenas I am as weak as I am now.

The meter I use is called the Essorant Meter.

[This message has been edited by Essorant (02-14-2003 10:23 PM).]

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

7 posted 2003-02-15 01:39 AM

(smiles) Awwwwwwwww, I just love the image here of the swan unfolding her silky white wings, awakening from slumber, rising to the crystal moon on flights of fancy! (big hugggssssss) It is imagery like this that really soothes a poets heart, therefore this is a true gem, yay, I love it, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Essorant, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

christian
Member

since 2002-12-18

Posts 331

8 posted 2003-02-15 01:52 AM

yeah, like LP said, your diction added
more to the poetry.

'like Cleopatra in warm milk
or in a gown of luscious silk'

the rthym of this peice was awesome too,
no pauses, just steady flow.

cool.

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

9 posted 2003-02-16 01:35 AM

Essorant~
This is a beautifully written piece.
I enjoyed the read.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

10 posted 2003-02-16 12:50 PM

I really enjoy reading poetry that flows well. And this is no exception. You've painted a picture with your words.

Munda
Member Elite

since 1999-10-08

Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands

11 posted 2003-02-18 04:56 PM

I kind of like the Essorant meter

and like the imagery used even more.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

12 posted 2003-02-18 11:46 PM

The argent nightsurrounded moon
full, in the heyday of its noon
sate like a union in a pouch,
glanced like a lady from her couch,
surviewing with a kenning eye
winds and moods - the soul of the sky.
No clouds intruded on her gaze
no folds of night disturbed her phase
like Cleopatra in warm milk
or in a gown of luscious silk
====================================

the ethereal and surreal essence of this poem draws the reader in...a very cool write Essorant...unique and creative.

" ... And think not, that you can direct the course of love ...
if it finds you worthy ... it then directs your course."

K.Gibran

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

13 posted 2003-02-19 12:05 PM

An interesting write this is

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

14 posted 2003-02-19 12:08 PM

Indeed an interesting write and the imagery great.

Maree

Justbleu
Member Elite

since 1999-08-31

Posts 3329
Oregon, Originally From Alaska :)

15 posted 2003-02-20 09:55 AM

Very interesting....and very well done!!!!

Bridgette

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

16 posted 2003-02-20 10:12 AM

Proud to say that you are a fellow Canadian! This oozes with sultriness...An exceptionally fine piece of writing! This poem appealed to me very much--on several levels!

Warm hugs,
EA

Jason Lyle
Senior Member

since 2003-02-07

Posts 1438
With my darkling

17 posted 2003-02-20 10:54 AM

I also enjoyed this.
Jason

LngJhnAg
Member Elite

since 1999-07-23

Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion

18 posted 2003-02-20 11:00 AM

I've never thought of the moon this way. Lovely

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

19 posted 2003-02-20 11:12 AM

I really like this. Don't know why I didn't
see it before now...sorry....

Hugs,
Ethel

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

20 posted 2003-02-20 05:56 PM

Me too I missed it in this big shuffle but I am sure glad I found it and read it. You sure get my vote for the book, enjoyed.

~* Carpe' Diem *~

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

21 posted 2003-02-20 08:07 PM

WOW!! Yes...much enjoyed!
Gets a vote from me!
~Hugs~

~ Trace my body with your words..
And in doing so, you touch my heart. ~

Charisma

Member Ascendant

since 2000-09-30

Posts 5906
lost in blue pages

22 posted 2003-02-21 04:57 AM

Beautifully penned!!

Charisma

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

23 posted 2003-02-21 08:19 AM

great images... nice flow... liked it muchly...

regards,
sudhir

Lighthousebob
Member Elite

since 2000-06-14

Posts 4725
California

24 posted 2003-02-21 03:28 PM

* Vocabulary check.... Mere: a small pond of standing water... Now, I get the image perfectly. The stillness of the pond, the moon reflecting off the water, the swan as she takes flight... Beautiful, beautiful imagery. Like the moon looking down, I could see it all so very clearly in my mind. Gets my vote for certain.

-Bob

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

25 posted 2003-02-24 12:52 PM

What a beautiful example of language as an art. Fresh, unusual descriptions, and kinds of description. Very nice.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

26 posted 2003-02-24 12:54 PM

Essorant - like this writing...

BC

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

27 posted 2003-02-24 07:39 AM

I enjoyed this, Essorant...

Essorant
Member Elite

since 2002-08-10

Posts 4769
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada

28 posted 2003-03-16 08:27 PM

I just wanted to extend a graces to all whom took time to read and reply to my vers.
If you enjoyed, that is what I hoped for most.
Take care,

Essorant

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

29 posted 2003-03-18 01:46 PM

I find this very soothing... your descriptions are powerful and give a unique perspective. *S*

WhiteRose
Member Elite

since 2002-07-23

Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon

30 posted 2003-03-20 12:13 PM

A wonderful read, enjoyed.

Zinsser
Senior Member

since 2001-02-27

Posts 1641
Calif.

31 posted 2003-03-20 08:45 AM

I am with Janet Marie on this...

Beautiful words.....

~~ Connie ~~

DawnG

Senior Member

since 2000-06-23

Posts 1494
United States

32 posted 2003-03-20 02:16 PM

Essorant,

Very beautiful. I enjoyed your dream.

Dawn

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