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KETCHUM,1961

Taco Jonez
Junior Member

since 2003-04-04

Posts 22
St. Petersburg, FL

0 posted 2003-04-15 12:56 PM

-- Ketchum, 1961 --

In a den,
a rug is rolled up
leaning against the side
of an pictured laden oak wall.

A lion's head mounted
on a plaque looks forward
glassed-eye he missed
the chair tipped over

resting on a the flow of words
spilling across the floor
to the journey's end.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

1 posted 2003-04-15 02:38 PM

wonderful~ i was there!

Justbleu
Member Elite

since 1999-08-31

Posts 3329
Oregon, Originally From Alaska :)

2 posted 2003-04-16 10:57 AM

This is a cool write....hope to read more!!!
Welcome to Passions!!!!
Bridgette

"Somewhere, somehow, it should be possible to touch someone and never let go again. To hold someone, not for a moment but forever." Unknown

Taco Jonez
Junior Member

since 2003-04-04

Posts 22
St. Petersburg, FL

3 posted 2003-04-16 01:03 PM

ahh thank you kindly...yeah i had this as like a 6 line poem and i was striving to make it very fragmented but someone was kind enough to point out how it needs to expand...so i feel it has become a stronger poem in the process...thanks

Joyce Johnson

Member Rara Avis

since 2001-03-10

Posts 9912
Washington State

4 posted 2003-04-16 05:40 PM

Good lines but needs editing .

It's a pictured laden and probably should be glass-eyed rather than glassed eye.Joyce

[This message has been edited by Joyce Johnson (04-16-2003 05:41 PM).]

WhiteRose
Member Elite

since 2002-07-23

Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon

5 posted 2003-04-16 07:45 PM

Hi Zagg

Have to agree with Joyce, an excellent write, but needs a bit of editing.

[This message has been edited by WhiteRose (04-16-2003 07:45 PM).]

Taco Jonez
Junior Member

since 2003-04-04

Posts 22
St. Petersburg, FL

6 posted 2003-04-17 04:34 PM

to joyce and whiterose..yeah...i was debating about going glass-eyed...but i thought it was a cool image by saying glassed eye...the laden yeah need to fix that.

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