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Hidden in the mind
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Hidden in the mind |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia 
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In my secret little cupboard where I hide my voice and good I place my hidden feelings and the words I never should I pour my tears in bottles, then I stack each bottle high Among my words of torment and frustrations that I cry In my cupboard there are letters that once I meant to send Just lying there, now waiting for my thoughts of each to end Amongst regrets and dreaming and some strength I need to save Surrounded by my inner me and shown just to the brave It is a place I visit, for this cupboard has a home With welcome arms it calls me, when I’m sad or on my own It’s a place that seems to sooth me, when a peace I cannot find It’s a place of tranquil resting that lies hidden in my mind |
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| © Copyright 2003 Rick Van Weenen - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunnyone Member Ascendant
since 2000-07-06
Posts 5334Staffordshire, England |
This is wonderful, and we all have one of those cupboards...a place that is uniquely ours. I much enjoyed this write, and you have my vote!! Accept these small gifts from my gypsy heart ~~S~~ |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
Sunnyone, thanks for your reply, it is surely a place which we all visit often, I know I do, lovely to hear from you, your comment is much appreciated and thanks for the vote. Sincerely Rick |
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
Rick, beautiful writing...i loved the flow of this...wonderful idea for a poem! you got my vote  take care amy "love is like a butterfly-- |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Loved this poem! Your mental cupboard is fertile and imaginative!--as is your poem! Love & Light, Linda |
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Joyce Johnson
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912Washington State |
Very very nice. Joyce |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
amy, thanks for your wonderful comment and reply, your vote is very much appreciated. Linda, thank you for your heart felt comments, it is a joy to share with you all. Hi Joyce, again thank you, I am glad you visited and replied. Thank you my friends, till again. Sincerely Rick |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggsssssss) I think we all have such a place deep in our hearts but know all your regrets are being answered and He knows what you feel and write and reason and will promise you assistance! (sigh) God Bless You, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Rick, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Hi Rick, In my secret little cupboard where I hide my voice and good ~i'm sorry but the "good" seems a little bit forced to me It is a place I visit, for this cupboard has a home ~i liked this one a lot..don't exactly know why but perhaps it's the simple, matter-of-factly way in which you said it... |
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pjtalty Member
since 2002-07-17
Posts 111W.A., Australia |
Dear Rick, I think this theme and your treatment of it has immense potential, but I would really like you to go back and reflect on the "clarity" aspect of the first stanza, in particular line 1. You are a natural poet and therefore I won't patronise you by suggesting how it should be revised (I have my own ideas). Should you consider my comment to be constructive and worthy of application, I have no doubt that the revision would qualify the poem for inclusion in the book. I will vote for the poem as it stands, but feel that its style would be enhanced by the suggested revision. I look forward to reading more of your poetry from time to time. PS: I always applaud poetry that can express deep reflections with brevity -as you have done with this piece. Patrick Talty [This message has been edited by pjtalty (04-05-2003 10:53 PM).] |
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ecrivan Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923my own state |
Stands alright to me Rick...nice rhythmical little piece, reminding me of the song which had the 'circles of my mind' in it. [This message has been edited by ecrivan (04-05-2003 11:16 PM).] |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Rick, It's very good, but I too have a difficulty with the first line, in fact I would change it to this, In my secret little cupboard hid by a door not wood... BUT you don't have to listen to me, everytime I open that cupboard door everything falls out in a heap and it takes me days to sort through the chaos.  Kethry Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
Noah, thanks for the reply, we all have a hidden place somewhere, when somewhere we need to go. Hi kaile, nice you replied to my poem, it seems a few do not understand my meaning of good, it is being good to myself, unselfishly being good to everyone else and considerate, I hope you understand that on my point of view, thanks for the comments, they are much appreciated. pjtalty, thank you for your constructive review of my work, it is appreciated, as to Kaile I have explained my meaning, I hope somehow that sits well with you, I ponder on each line trying to be understood in the way I feel at the time, again thank you for your time and comment. Thank you ecrivan, your thoughts and comment are greatly appreciated by me. Thanks Kethry, but in myself I am happy with the line, I hope with my explaination you all now understand my meaning. To you all, thanks for the comments. Sincerely Rick |
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Street Heart Member
since 2002-09-05
Posts 349Pennsylvania,USA |
Really nice,Rick,and one I'd like to keep. Voting and sending you to the top. Peace,Geoffrey If a man has not discovered something he is willing to die for,his life is not worth living. |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
Geoffrey, thank you so much for your reply, it is very much appreciated and heart felt. Sincerely Rick |
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SPIRIT Senior Member
since 2002-12-29
Posts 1745California Desert |
This is a fine write and stands very well just as it is. I happily vote for this. |
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Poet4Christ Member
since 2003-02-19
Posts 211Oklahoma City |
Rick - Had to vote for this one! God bless you. I hope this one makes it in the book. Thanx - Tim He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool: but whoso walketh wisely, he shall be delivered. Proverbs 28:26 |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Very nicely done, Rick, about a place we all have...and need. |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Rick, you know I visit your work often and I also know you keep your good up there  , so I liked your first line. You always get my vote, and this time is no exception.God bless our soldiers, for it is now |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Rick, this is beautiful and certainly has my vote. Hugs, Ethel |
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waldopepper Member
since 2003-03-18
Posts 157Tennessee, USA |
That one place where we must all go to feel safe and connected again. Your words took me right there my friend. Well done. |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
SPIRIT, thank you, I am glad that you like my poem the way it was writen, your comment is much appreciated. Tim, thanks for the vote and a blessing back to you, heart felt. Balladeer, nice to recieve your comment, I am thankful we all have such a place. Thank you for your reply. Mysteria, thanks for visiting my works, that means a lot to me, your comments are great and much appreciated, thank you. Ethel, thanks for the reply and vote, always nice to see you here with your comments. waldopepper, great to read your comments, they were very much appreciated. Thank you everyone, Sincerely Rick |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Amongst regrets and dreaming and some strength I need to save Surrounded by my inner me and shown just to the brave I like this very much, Rick... I have such a place, too. *S* |
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Suetang Member Ascendant
since 2001-03-07
Posts 5187Melbourne, Australia |
Hello Rick This was absolutely wonderful and how well I could relate. I have no hesitation in casting my vote and I hope to see this wonderful piece of writing in the book. I hope you are well. Here is a little something for you, written by me. "The words of a poet can speak volumes 'tho no words are actually spoken. He has the ability to make a connection with the heart." Take care......Sue I am in motion |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
a wonderful piece!  |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Nicely expressed, Rick! I can relate! |
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Neeraja Senior Member
since 2002-06-22
Posts 812The Netherlands |
I enjoyed reading this Rick!! Neeraja |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Very creative! Enjoyed greatly, Hugs, Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
Hi Sue, lovely to see you visit me here, thank you so much for the vote and the comment, I really enjoyed your verse and can also well relate. passing shadows, thank you for the bump up and the great reply, much appreciated. To you both, thank you very much. Sincerely Rick |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
suthern, thank you so much for your reply, sorry I did not reply to you before, I did not relise there was two pages, I believe we all have a hiding place within where we can all go at times. Thanks Denise for your reply and comment, much appreciated. Dear Neeraja, glad you enjoyed as I have enjoyed getting your reply, thank you very much. Hi Pat, your comment is heart felt, thank you so much. To you all, again thank you, till next time, take care. Sincerely Rick |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
"comin' around again" |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
passing shadows, nice to see you coming around again, much appreciated. Sincerely Rick |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
sorry for being a pest here, but this one just gives me such a feeling, I can't even explain...I would love to see this in the book! |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
passing shadows, don't be sorry for anything, I am glad that this has had an effect on you, to me that is wonderful and very gratifying. Sometimes we just can not explain our feelings. Sincerely Rick |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
Yeah! It's in! *high five* |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
passing shadows, guess who helped it on its way, you my friend, thanks for that, your replies are so very much appreciated. Sincerely Rick |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
yaknow Rick, I wanted it so badly in the book...I was just praying...it just needed to be in the book, that's all I can say. |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
passing shadows, well it is there now dear lady, again thank you. Sincerely Rick |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
well Rick, sweetie, don't be so quick to thank me...I think if there is a method to the madness, it's only a random method at best, but you and i both know this is a very good write and is so deserving of being in the book, I'm so happy that it made it in! |
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