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Darkling
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Darkling |
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Jason Lyle Senior Member
since 2003-02-07
Posts 1438With my darkling |
Of darkling thoughts,and measured wrath And tortured turns down twisting paths Insanely,he begins to laugh And starts to write my epitaph Years went by,before I dared To look inside and back he stared By then too late,as if I cared I simply sighed, my burdens shared So slow at first,he moved within I paid slight notice of his whims But madness started to descend And darkling thoughts became my sin No longer do I feel lifes' pains My darkling now behind the reins |
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| © Copyright 2003 Jason Lyle - All Rights Reserved | |||
Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (smiles) Oh Jason, this is wonderful, sweet friend, I believe another wonderful thing that shapes a poet is to persevere and have much confidence in him or herself and I for one love to read of stories of such enthusiasm to embrace the light! (big hugggsssssss) This is wonderful and truly a merit, sweet friend, yay, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Jason, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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skyshine
since 2002-02-07
Posts 3058Beneath the northern stars |
Very interesting write.  --Elizabeth You can sit there and forgive someone until the cows come home, and it won't make a bit of difference until they forgive themselves. |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Liked how the 3-quatrains-1-couplet formula made it look like a sonnet, but your meter scheme defied it and made it flow a lot more fluidly. A somewhat disturbing theme, which I suppose is what you were going for. Overall I enjoyed reading it. Parasite "Faith" means the will to avoid knowing what is true. |
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Kellie_Cantrell Senior Member
since 2002-05-22
Posts 1667New York |
I didn't like it from a personal level, but I do like it from a literary angle |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Even though the theme was somewhat dark, I loved the way you rhymed. You wrote it very well...  "Love makes the world go around" |
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christian Member
since 2002-12-18
Posts 331 |
not too found of structured forms, i'm a bit of a rebel when it comes to form. but, you made this work--to your benefit. slipper images that slide under and glue themselves to the side of the reader's mind bravo, bravo. --chris. |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
I enjoyed this read, Jason - You developed your theme nicely.. and I AM a die-hard proponent of structured verse... Nice job..  |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Dark and dreary done so well.... Warm hugs, Earth Angel |
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Lighthousebob Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725California |
Perfect iambic tetrameter. No 'codswallop' intended. I love how you characterize being in the darkness here. Very very well done. I think that Poe would be proud of this one. My friend, you know that you've got my vote.-Bob |
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CocoBaci Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043 |
Enjoyed the read... Terrific write PoetFriend Jason... *~coco~* |
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Chanson Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559Up Creek w/Out Paddle |
Ahh, I like this. Dark and dismal subject matter but your rhyme scheme is kicky and bright. *s When you think you have heard it all, listen more closely. ~Dorene [This message has been edited by Chanson (02-19-2003 12:09 PM).] |
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Jason Lyle Senior Member
since 2003-02-07
Posts 1438With my darkling |
Thank you all for your comments,I tend to write dark,but I worked hard on the tech in this one. Jason [This message has been edited by Jason Lyle (02-20-2003 05:01 AM).] |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
You certainly did your homework with this piece and for that you are sure getting my vote Jason. Great work! |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
YES!!! Fantastic! A must for the book Jason! ~Hugs~ ~ Trace my body with your words.. |
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SPIRIT Senior Member
since 2002-12-29
Posts 1745California Desert |
Oh! So magnificently dark. Gets my vote for sure. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Good work...my only critique would come with spacing...after the commas...thanks, Jason! |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
I adore reading rhyme and this was pure poetry in motion to read aloud...this poem MUST be read aloud to do its meter justice. Very well done...a melancholy masterpiece!! "Trees are poems that the earth writes upon the sky ... |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Great read-- very Poe-esque Good luck JThere is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
viva democracy you have my vote for sure |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
This is wonderful, Jason. I truly enjoyed the read...well done. "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Nicely done! I love the light easy-to-read feel to this dark theme. It cries to be read outloud. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Ah Jason... a poet from way back when. I like this one a lot |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Yes! In agreement with midnightsun, and in the "Poe" feeling of this. Ed |
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arthur Senior Member
since 2001-08-14
Posts 678england |
its good arthur |
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KristieSue
since 2003-01-31
Posts 1460PA, US |
I don't read writes like this too often...good job :-) Voting... |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Even the dark side needs Reflections... This was good, Jason...enjoyed it very much! |
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Kielo Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109 |
Oooh... I love this! Kielo I know only one thing, and that thing is that I know nothing. |
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Voiceless Senior Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 686Under the stars upon the wind |
Very very very good! I liked this a lot! Freedom is not Free (Korean War memorial) |
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Gina Culliney Member
since 2003-03-08
Posts 170 |
Who said Poe was dead! He lives again in this particular poets words! |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
i prefer dark poetry... but i like all the light stuff to. this was incredibly written, best of luck with this submission Regina "heaven truley knows that thou art false as hell...one that loved not wisely,but too well..she swore..'twas a strange ,'twas passing strange"-othello |
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Gina Culliney Member
since 2003-03-08
Posts 170 |
who said Poe was dead. he definetily lives in this writer. |
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Gina Culliney Member
since 2003-03-08
Posts 170 |
ooppppppp!!! sorry for the repeat Jason but a lil mo' poe never hurt anybody! |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Yes -- you can still say "darkling" and live! This is proof positive. |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
How did I miss this one and not hear its call? I'm so glad it will be included. Kethry Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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Joyce Johnson
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912Washington State |
Did I miss this? It is wonderful. Joyce |
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