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Open Poetry #24
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Balladeer
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Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

0 posted 2002-12-16 08:07 PM



Old Toerag's wife gave me a call and said" I'm in a stew!
That bum is somewhere drinking and I need a hand from you.
I had a little accident. The coffee overturned
And splattered on the counter. I'm afraid my face got burned!"

So quickly I rushed over there, soon as I got the call
And said 'Dear girl, I'm taking you straight to the hospital!"
I rushed her to emergency. Her wound was quite severe.
How fortunate that she could call on helpful Balladeer.

The doc said, "That's a nasty burn. It must be 3rd degree.
We have no options, I'm afraid, except for surgery.
We need to do a skin graft where the burn is, on the cheek
Then it should heal nicely, I would think, within a week."

The doc said, "Hey, I know you, son. You're called the Balladeer.
I've heard the women talk about the softness of your rear.
If we could use a little patch to cure Ms. Toerag's burn
I have no doubt her natural appearance would return."

So I agreed. I mean, how in the world could I say no
To help the wife and live-in maid of my good buddy Toe?
The operation went as planned. In one week she was cured
And she stopped by to thank me for the pain I had endured.

She said, "Oh, Mister Balladeer, I'm well because of you.
I wish there were some special thing that I could do for you."
I started laughing so hard it was difficult to speak,
Then said, "Dear, I'm well paid each time Toe plants one on your cheek!!!"


© Copyright 2002 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved
Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
1 posted 2002-12-16 08:11 PM


'Deer...you are the storyteller of all time!!
Excellent work here!
Thanks for the chuckles.
~Hugs~

~ Season's Greetings to my 'family' at Passions ~

Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182
Netherlands
2 posted 2002-12-16 09:06 PM



LOL Deer, you make me laugh every time I see you.

He he poor Toe
He didn't know
He was kissing your sweet behind
With nothing but love on his mind

Titia


Like scattered leaves...my words will flow

[This message has been edited by Titia Geertman (12-16-2002 09:06 PM).]

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
3 posted 2002-12-16 09:33 PM



Dear Balladeer,
You were so kind,
To give Toe's wife,
A piece of your behind.
Now Toe is grateful,
But he thinks its crass
That when he's kissin' his wife,
He's kissin' your ass!

Magnus
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Member Laureate
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA
4 posted 2002-12-16 09:40 PM


I KNEW IT>>>>  I KNEW IT>..  I knew you were
headed down this path of injustice to our
poor Toe...  You dirty rotten scoundrel...

Psssst....  don't tell Toe that I was
ROTFLMBO after I read this....

Mistletoe Angel
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since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
5 posted 2002-12-16 10:08 PM




(smiles) Oh Balladeer, you dirty rotten scoundrel, now you have his wife all tangled up in this! LOL! (big hugggssssss) This is a crack-up, sweet friend, I love it, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Balladeer, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton


"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

[This message has been edited by Mistletoe Angel (12-16-2002 10:09 PM).]

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
6 posted 2002-12-16 10:12 PM


thanks alot now i have to clean a mess, you made me spit my drink out all over the monitor..lol
Skyfire
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Member Elite
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381
Riding
7 posted 2002-12-16 10:47 PM


ROFLMBO
Genius! Pure genius!

"it was cute, it was like he was shy and didn't want to make it too obvious"
~ Reena
I'm Rhondiforous!

Martie
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Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
8 posted 2002-12-16 11:07 PM


Balladeer

Tsk tsk...and ROFLOL..Toe's gonna get you good for this one.

Pilgrimage
Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945
Texas, USA
9 posted 2002-12-16 11:42 PM


I knew it was coming, but it go me anyway. I love it!

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
10 posted 2002-12-17 01:29 AM


you are so crazy! How do you come up with this stuff?

my bad mood just left me.

Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622
Ala bam a
11 posted 2002-12-17 07:47 AM


Yassee what happens when I let him "loose" for one day?....I come in here, innocently as always, post a serious Christmassy type poem....not one nasty thing to say about the Deer...and this is what I wake up to this morning?....but, since I'm still in the Christmas spirit...I'll just leave this Christmas wish/card for my good pal Balladeer...

May Balladeer go straight to hell
Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel.

(And a response will soon follow).

Music Maker
Member
since 2002-07-07
Posts 152
THE ORIGINAL !!!!
12 posted 2002-12-17 08:32 AM


Hey Guys, what a pleasant way for us to start the day, with a great big grin across our faces - 'Ooohh!, You are so naughty, but I like you'!!  And that was a catch phrase used by a 'Camp' comedian who used to grace the Theatre Hall stage here in England.
Anyway, A Very Happy and PEACEFUL Christmas to you both, and We wish you everything you would wish for yourselves in the Coming New Year.
Sunnyone and Music Maker
(Sunny and John)

Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
13 posted 2002-12-17 08:55 AM


As many of us prepare to celebrate a Savior's birth
And all of us are joined in prayer that there be peace on earth
We make one small exception - for one place that peace won't be
And that's on PIP; we so enjoy the wars of poetry. *S*

You scoundrel. *G* You've been a bad, bad boy... and Santa would probably bring you switches if he didn't know how much you were hoping for them! LOL

Decaflame
Senior Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 1635

14 posted 2002-12-17 10:36 AM



A timely repost, I would say.
Chuckling here, thank you, 'Deer.

garysgirl
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Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
15 posted 2002-12-17 10:46 AM


(me...laughing)           


Well, ole Ball-deer, you told poor Mr. Toe exactly what you would like him to kiss, didn't you?
You know you're a devil, don't you, doing our Mr. Toe like that......    

"Love makes the world go around"
~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~  
                  

SmartChick
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081
On A Journey To The Unknown
16 posted 2002-12-17 12:38 PM


I knew I was going to love this one. You are the best story teller.
Salty
Senior Member
since 2002-11-23
Posts 669
Texas
17 posted 2002-12-17 12:44 PM


BRAVO......I give this a two thumbs up
ooohweeee...he's going to have a hard time kissing his wife. *S*


~Salty

Midnitesun
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Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
18 posted 2002-12-17 02:27 PM


You two are so bad...bet you won't get a single gift for the holidays.
Shaking my head, boys will be boys, my mom used to say.

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
19 posted 2002-12-17 07:15 PM



Balladeer~
ROFL!  Gotta love this butt..er..bit of fun. LOL
Thanks for the smile and chuckle.
and
~Vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Wind
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981

20 posted 2002-12-17 08:53 PM


You! do you ever run out of these ideas? Just tell me, where do they come from!

Never be normal!

Wind
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981

21 posted 2002-12-17 08:56 PM


PhhhHH!!! (spits out a lot of water) I just read these replys! Toerag? Innoccent? thats what they all say Toe.

Never be normal!

Mick Hawkes
Member
since 2000-10-26
Posts 90
Tees-side , England
22 posted 2002-12-28 03:16 PM


LOL.. i suppose toe must be getting used to being the "butt" of ur humor..

Never take life too seriously - None of us gets out alive!

Krystopher Morris
Member
since 2002-11-11
Posts 130
Ancient land called Chivalry
23 posted 2005-12-09 04:03 PM


Ya know...for the past two days I've been reading up through the old archives and going through your war poems...these are great, I miss this place...

"Death, so called, is a thing which makes men weep, and yet a third of life is passed in sleep." -Lord Byron

Mysteria
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since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
24 posted 2005-12-09 09:09 PM


Well the archives is a good place to look for these two old buzzards that is for sure!  Just kidding, they don't come better than Balladeer and Toerag.  Great repost Michael, I miss that nutcase bigtime and maybe this will drag his butt here to play with us, who knows?

By the way, your war poems ARE fabulous and I know a ton of seniors will vouch for that statement too.

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
25 posted 2005-12-09 11:14 PM


Wow, Krystopher, you had to do some real digging to find this one! LOL! Thanks for bringing the old memories...if you want to see the major skirmishes in the war, go to my webpage http://michael-mack.com, click on the first option and then have it lead you the the section titled TOERAG WARS.

Mysteria, I'd like to figure out SOME way to get him out! Give my best to the ladies of the Evergreen

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