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Open Poetry #24
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South Wind
| Open Poetry #24 |
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South Wind |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095
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South Wind My days can be full of you, rosy with wonder like the singe of setting sun in this down-under sky. You would be audible if not for the assertiveness of altered winds silencing you. Somewhere out there in the fifty or something your tongue clutches pricked-up ears winding itself down to those who seek the plum of you. You moisten the air. Through the oceans; your voice thick and smokey once found its way to me, mooring its poetic self to my insides like a tired boat and there you have rested. I am unable to wash you off. [This message has been edited by Dark Angel (12-22-2002 06:23 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Dark Angel - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Maree Some people sing, and the song stays with you forever. I always love your poetry, so intense and deep you are. Hugs! |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Don't get me wrong... as always, I love the whole thing, but I really like how you set, "You moisten the air." outside... I like it a LOT! Peace C |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
BRAVO! It's been a while since I read you, but WOW! I love the unique imagery you offer. |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
Through the oceans; your voice thick and smokey once found its way to me, mooring its poetic self to my insides like a tired boat and there you have rested. A most calming effect your words have. Lovingly said and so nicely done~ |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (smiles) Oh Maree, this is touching, sweet friend, we are all born to sing and I wish for the song you sing to always have a lasting impression! (kiss on cheek) God Bless You, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Maree, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Maree...You have the most amazing and unique way of expressing yourself. This is beautiful! ~Hugs~ ~ Season's Greetings to my 'family' at Passions ~ |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
This is absolutely amazing... |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
wow! Nice imagery here! |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Always such a pleasure to swim in your pool dear. hugs  JThere is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Thank you friends.. for popping in and reading lil me...for your lovely replies, comments and compliments. I do appreciate it so much HUGS Maree [This message has been edited by Dark Angel (12-25-2002 06:24 PM).] |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
really good poem, i know too.......you can never wash the great ones off |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Excellent expression and seasonings... ThisDiamond |
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WhiteRose Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208somebody's dungeon |
This is delicious  I really enjoyed this piece Maree. It touches the senses and makes for a very warm read. |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
Through the oceans; your voice thick and smokey once found its way to me, mooring its poetic self to my insides like a tired boat and there you have rested. I am unable to wash you off. Yes, enjoyed the poem and these lines in particular.... |
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mirror man Senior Member
since 2001-01-08
Posts 814 |
I like this too. Very good. There's only one thing I don't understand, which is the fifty or something. What is that? Just curious. |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
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1slick_lady Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088standing on a shadow's lace |
whole poem is nice but.... "You moisten the air." is breath taking |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Ah Mmy... Would that I were in the mood to seriously critique this. I'll do a little for you... Firstly - it is stunning, though I think you need to progress now...your writing has reached a stand-still point and I think it might be time to try something new? NOT critising your writing per se...because I love it...just thinking some development would keep the brain fresh. Evolve as it were (listen to me, the hypocrite - when did I last write anything? But you know what I mean I hope, hm, if you don't - yell at me through email ~grin~) The poem - superb. A few things I'd look at...your first line..and the one that ends in 'silencing you' - I'd take that out and just end with altered winds. Leave a bit of mystery in there maybe... I'd also take out the last line...the 'moisten' line is excellent as a stand alone...and the last verse concludes very well... I think the last line is one of those lines that we often put at the end of poem, to finalise, to sum up tightly...sometimes it works - I don't think it does here because the whole poem conveys the sense of waiting, and missing.. Love you soul-sis...  K[This message has been edited by Severn (12-28-2002 05:06 PM).] |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
You would be audible if not for the assertiveness of altered winds silencing you. ============================== You moisten the air. Through the oceans; your voice thick and smokey once found its way to me, mooring its poetic self to my insides like a tired boat and there you have rested. I am unable to wash you off. =================================== well this is just achingly lovely in is longing... youve employed some very cool personifications and metaphors in this...love the "altered winds silencing you" line and the voice/mooring/boat analogy and I loved the poetic impact of that last lines intend. I was curious...if you wish to indulge mothyme...and only if you wish... I was wondering what this verse means... Somewhere out there in the (fifty or something)? your (tongue clutches pricked-up ears winding itself)? down to those who seek the plum of you. not sure I quite get the metaphors intend here...was wondering if it was due to perhaps these analogies have personal meaning that only the poet or muse would know? forgive the dense moth  I may not "get them" but there something about them that kept bringing me back to that verse...love the "plum of you" line. So good to see you posting again Maree..always a pleasure to read between your lines Will the wind remember the names it has blown in the past? |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
inkedgoddess, thank you so very much ThisDiamond, glad you liked.. thank you. Ms Rose... Delicious ey? Glad you found it enjoyable thank you so much.Magnus, so glad you enjoyed.. thanks for stopping by and yor lovely comment Mirror Man, thank you so much for your lovely reply. Now the fifty or something..hmm hard to explain it wasn't written to be obvious actually, but what I really meant and perhaps need to change, is the United States of America. 50 or something being her states. but like I said, it wasn't added to be obvious otherwise I would have just written USA. But I guess it is now ey? *smile* garysgirl.. thanks for the hug and smile 1slick_lady,glad to take yor breath away. and thank you. Ahhhh SB.. you mean to tell me this wasnt a serious critique, hmm if I submit in CA will you then? I mean give me a serious critique? Something new ey? I'm usually always up for somethig new. Rem I don't know where I'd be if it wasnt for you m'dear. I am here where I am because of you and because of you I can and will go further.Just need that little nudge I received 3 years ago  ok I have gone over your suggestions and this is what the poem will loook like.... like the singe of setting sun in this down-under sky. You would be audible if not for the assertiveness of altered winds Somewhere out there in the fifty or something your tongue clutches pricked-up ears winding itself down to those who seek the plum of you. You moisten the air. Through the oceans; your voice thick and smokey once found its way to me, mooring its poetic self to my insides like a tired boat and there you have rested. Did you mean for me to add wherre I have subtracted? Thanks SB, you know yor input always means so much to me don't you? love you too Hi Janet Maree, thanks for stopping by, it's always lovely to see you. Thank you for your lovely reply and comments. Now.. you ask about this... Somewhere out there in the (fifty or something)? your (tongue clutches pricked-up ears winding itself)? down to those who seek the plum of you. As I said to Mirror Man, Fifty or something is refering to the United States..well her states. I know to the reader it doesnt make sense..it wasnt meant to be obvious actually, but there it is. Not a great line, this I know but the only one I could think off. lol. So,, it's... Somewhere out there in the United States, your tongue clutches pricked-up ears winding itself down to those who seek the plum of you. your tongue reaches those who seek you or want to listen to you or read you etc etc. Hopefully that helps. hugs and thank you |
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