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Open Poetry #24
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Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455


0 posted 2003-02-07 01:16 PM



When I left the clinic, the sun was still shining
and there were hours left to the day.
The Southside looked a lot different
than I remembered.
Highland Avenue, not so many years before
had been a neighborhood
of old money.
It was still a serene avenue to walk
with century old trees
and homes, churches and yards
meticulously cared for.
After the university had come
and then the medical center a few years later,
this part of town had changed.
We liked to think ourselves
Bohemian then,
but mostly we were stoned, educated
and unemployed.

I started walking west
and the streets became more familiar.
The Eldorado, I couldn’t believe it was still standing.
I’d photographed it dozens of times,
always black and white.
It was aging even then,
now it appeared little more than
crumbling stone and splintered wood
tenuously fixed in dying mortar.

I topped a short rise in the street
and looking south, saw the base of Red Mountain
and the cottages built into its rocky side.
We’d called them the Hobbit houses.

Glenafton Apartments
to my right, still aqua, steel and unsightly.
Down the hill, then the park.
I went into the corner grocery,
got a Coke and a pack of peanut butter crackers.
Crossed over to the park, climbed to the top
of the monkey bars
and sat down.

I was surprised, but glad
to be alone.
Now,
where to go…first?
Who was likely to be least angry, hurt
or otherwise disgusted
by my face at their door?
Uncle Louie’s was the obvious choice,
but not without complication.
Wonder if he’d made chili today,
or fried cabbage and pork?
Uncle Louie’s was the local
culinary crack house,
nothing fancy, nothing healthy,
comfort food,
biscuits, potatoes, gravy.
Yep, Uncle Louie’s was the obvious choice.
And the complications?
Well, they’d be easier to deal with
on a full stomach, right?

Forgetting I wasn’t twelve,
I jumped from the top
of my perch
and thanked god
when I hit the ground
standing.

I stuck the half-eaten pack of crackers
into my pocket
and walked towards Water St.,
sure I could smell chili
and thinking of little else.

© Copyright 2003 Duncan - All Rights Reserved
Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

1 posted 2003-02-07 01:23 PM


the tale continues..and you weave it well..drawing the reader into the why..into wanting to know what next...and more about the character.. you write well Dunc... when does the book come out?

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
2 posted 2003-02-07 01:23 PM


Smiling as I walked into the past with you.
Are you ready to exchange recipes yet, now that we've often exchanged stories?
I need a good tofu chili recipe. Mine is adequate, but I have this feeling your version might be a bit spicier, and I could sure use a bit more spice in my life right now!
???did this have anything to do with your poem? LOL. Does it really matter?

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
3 posted 2003-02-07 01:31 PM




(smiles) Oh Duncan, that just isn't my type of food, well...I suppose I can stop by for some hand-squeezed orange juice! (big huggssssssss) I do really dig those country diners too, yay, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Duncan, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
4 posted 2003-02-07 01:38 PM



I thoroughly enjoyed this walk with you! I felt I was right there by your side...
You engaged my senses and warmed my heart with this wonderful write.

Valentine hugs,
EA

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

5 posted 2003-02-07 01:47 PM


We liked to think ourselves
Bohemian then,
but mostly we were stoned, educated
and unemployed.


============================
I’d photographed it dozens of times,
always black and white.

It was aging even then,
now it appeared little more than
crumbling stone and splintered wood
tenuously fixed in dying mortar.

==========================
I was surprised, but glad
to be alone.
Now,
where to go…first?
Who was likely to be least angry, hurt
or otherwise disgusted
by my face at their door?

===========================
Forgetting I wasn’t twelve,
I jumped from the top
of my perch
and thanked god
when I hit the ground
standing.
=============================
I was afraid youd become bored with this, instead you breathed new life into it with the imagery and tour guide view of the characters thoughts and scenery...
very cool where you took this...and the way your writing it...one doesnt have to have read the earlier installments to become drawn in and follow along.
Dont make the moth wait so long for the next installment

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

6 posted 2003-02-07 03:28 PM


"We liked to think ourselves
Bohemian then,
but mostly we were stoned, educated
and unemployed."

You should write a satirical dictionary.

I LOVED that...smile...

and yep, I'll hush now. DO continue, Dunc.

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

7 posted 2003-02-07 05:37 PM


coming back to this one later D...

K

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
8 posted 2003-02-07 05:49 PM


Duncan--enjoyed this look around, almost as if I was your video cam, especially from the thinking place on top of the monkey bars.  I hope you will continue, you made me hungry.
Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
9 posted 2003-02-07 10:39 PM


Duncan - nice write, very nice...

BC

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