I'm a denial hypocrite - pipTalk Forums

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kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

0 posted 2003-02-07 07:47 AM

in this foreign land,
I
watch
my shadow
hold on to
the icecream wrapper
as he darts
this way and that
in search for a bin,

knowing well
that he would have
dropped
his pretense
back home

[This message has been edited by kaile (02-07-2003 10:26 AM).]

pjtalty
Member

since 2002-07-17

Posts 111
W.A., Australia

1 posted 2003-02-07 08:12 AM

Just one suggestion: I would change *watched* to *watch*; otherwise I wouldn't change a thing.

This poem's subtle environmental theme is strengthened by its brevity. I appreciated how the title fits the content and how you managed to create an appropriate style and tone to poetically articulate a message that, unfortunately, many people are either unaware of, or ignore.

Well done!

Patrick Talty

[This message has been edited by pjtalty (02-07-2003 08:14 AM).]

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

2 posted 2003-02-07 08:22 AM

Kaile, this speaks of societal differences quite nicely... It's a world full of diversity out there, isn't it??...

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

3 posted 2003-02-07 09:50 AM

yes..insightful and true not only of cultural differences but also of how we in domestic situations may be just as guilty...

enjoyed this... and the thoughts it brought.

regards2you
Member Elite

since 2002-10-01

Posts 3940
California