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Jaime

Registered

Member
Posts 250

0 posted 2003-02-05 03:40 PM

The flames consume –
slowly:quickly:gone
And the paper covering
blisters and blackens
like human flesh

The smoke rises –
curling:twirling:gone
A gentle contrast
to the rampant dance
of the flames

They multiply, the
yellow cowboys –
And the smoke drifts
towards the sky
unnoticed by the
people close by,
talking:eating:gone

Unnoticed until the
smoke is choking
them – turning them
not black but rather
a funny shade of
blue

1.24.03

Shiva went on break now look at how much it's gonna take to make this place a space where we can breathe.

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

1 posted 2003-02-05 03:50 PM

Hi Jaime, I really enjoyed this and I like the repetition of "gone" A great write!

Maree

Joyce Johnson

Member Rara Avis

since 2001-03-10

Posts 9912
Washington State

2 posted 2003-02-05 04:09 PM

Very interesting. I read it several times for a clue. The yellow cowboys threw me. I liked the way it read. Joyce

Gamree
Junior Member

since 2003-01-29

Posts 10

3 posted 2003-02-05 04:14 PM

whoa. Good poem. At first the colons threw me off, but I like the overall effect. And the yellow cowboys. And the last line.

GG
Member Elite

since 2002-12-03

Posts 3532
Lost in thought

4 posted 2003-02-05 05:26 PM

I like the whole image you gave here, and enjoyed it alot. So thanks!

Always, Alyssa

- And so it was that time stood still -
(blink, breathe, stand, fight)

abbe
Member

since 2003-01-20

Posts 131
michigan, usa

5 posted 2003-02-06 08:43 AM

this is a lucid word painting, although i'm not sure yet about the cowboys...

great catch at the end...

for some reason i flashed to the song "I'm Going Hungry."

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

6 posted 2003-02-06 05:09 PM

(sigh) Wow!!! Oh Jaime, the imagery in this is just powerful, sweet friend, and when everything goes blue you can't really see anything that is familiar to you! (big hugggsssssss) This is incensed with passion, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Jaime, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

seven_conscious
Junior Member

since 2003-01-27

Posts 33

7 posted 2003-02-06 05:52 PM

very cool write! i think i have the yellow cowboys figured out, but i'd hate to spoil it for everyone else

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