»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #24
»
still kicking
| Open Poetry #24 |
|
still kicking |
|
|
Drexler_McStyles Member
since 2002-11-18
Posts 195Venice, Ca |
chasing skirts inside a revolving door is murder on the bank balance but whos counting change? I'm currently self detained counting all my digits fingers and toes elluding the lepars in an attempt to scrape the corrosion off my relic mentality thin lips plush velour promise of future compression these choices are more important than longevity personally I want a fair shake at everything on the table and whatevers going on underneath it this is my way of sabotaging a hangover images of beauty splashed with the reality that cannot be avoided I am a long way from being done |
||
| © Copyright 2003 Steven Doherty - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Your critique message makes me smile--I don't even understand what I am doing--much less, you...but? I'll give it a shot, anyhow. There are certain styles that encourage slower readings--yours is one of them. I loved the "chasing skirts in a revolving door" image and then there is a see-saw of sensuality and intellectual detachment that aptly demonstrates an inner tug of war of your subject. Wonderfully foreshadowing the next verse: "this is my way of sabotaging a hangover images of beauty splashed with the reality that cannot be avoided" And I love one line impact endings which you achieved with this: "I am a long way from being done" although there is implied weariness--this reader detects a certain resolute stoicism. I admire the construct of this much--the tone of emotional detachment lends nicely to the message. Enjoyed.  |
||
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
"but whos counting change?" Laughing at this line. What change? |
||
Brad Majors
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647Georgia |
I love the critique message. I really enjoyed this piece I won't try to break it apart but very unique way of doing this! |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
