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Open Poetry #24
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shaman in the club
| Open Poetry #24 |
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shaman in the club |
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Effigy Member
since 2000-04-11
Posts 486disbelief 
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Do you have any beans? Do you know where they are? Gateway. Open up. Show me the light. /roll/light/ Breath deep - hold breath... visions never danced so well. Listen to the gods. /exhale/ The lines begin to vanish. Angels show little differnce from the insane, insane displays only a slight variance from those who may be human. Teeth feel numb, the world is a great white bird flying high in-between great white cloads at the feet of great white giants. There are piles, mountains of snow in sight (lined up on my coffie table). Oh shaman... spread your knowledge. - show me what can't be seen. - knowing what can't be known. Put this on your tongue (melts in your mouth, not in your hand). Take the red pill. we all fund terrorism one way or the other. |
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| © Copyright 2003 wes wiggins - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Not sure if the jumbled nature of this is planned But the early part detracts from what I believe is your message. This could come from my lack of understanding of the culture, And sub cultures are hard to understand in the best of time. It almost seems like two different poems. Perhaps a extra line or two added to clarify If possible. Gloom |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Love the message, and underscores my belief that we need to work toward eliminating the black market, through a spirit of compromise. I had no problem following though, (embarrassed that experience shows, I suppose) but this passage gave me pause: "Angels show little differnce from the insane, insane displays only a slight variance from those who may be human." But...I concede that could well be an example of drug-induced "wisdom." Either way tho? The message is clear. Enjoyed. |
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forne_marin Member
since 2004-04-13
Posts 140Spartanburg, South Carolina |
I disagree with ALL of the previous responses. I don't think any of them got it at all. I'm 99% positive that the last line is not the punch of the poem--it's the "punch line". Your intent is sarcastic, why else would you be praising the shaman? The poem itself is good, but I'd like some info on your target audience, because the poem seems to be in favor of drug use. I critique poems. I don't feel right judging them, but this one doesn't exacty sit right with me. *shrug* Just my $.02. From an artistic point of view, it is a good write, though. I believe the most important component of a poem is rhythm. Rhythm is the heartbeat of a poem. It is what makes poetry poetry. |
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