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Open Poetry #24
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Harvest Moon
| Open Poetry #24 |
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Harvest Moon |
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Wobbly Head Bob Member
since 2000-05-15
Posts 299Virginia, USA |
A splintered soul Traverses many feet And in its whole Is incomplete A smile today Is weeping soon Come what may On havest moon The conscious wall And battered seam A lasting fall And ending dream The catalyst And remedy The cast away The many me |
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| © Copyright 2002 Wobbly Head Bob - All Rights Reserved | |||
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Liked the wobble in this one, though it took two reads to read. What if you separated these lines? *************** Is incomplete A smile today *************** When I read it outloud, a couple of line breaks helped. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
nice rhyme scheme, nice picture painted...loved the piece...it read well for me. |
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Wobbly Head Bob Member
since 2000-05-15
Posts 299Virginia, USA |
I thought it would flow better as one whole piece just because it all had to do with the same thing...and I usually only seperate into stanzas with longer poems, or ones with extended meters. Thanks for commenting though!!!  |
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Salty Senior Member
since 2002-11-23
Posts 669Texas |
A splintered soul Traverses many feet The cast away The many me The story line flows well...beginning to end. Very well done. btw your handle gave me a little giggle..just had to stop in and see what you were all about. Glad I did *S* ~Salty In the Midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you. |
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Dj_Scarebear Junior Member
since 2002-12-13
Posts 22Wooster,Oh |
Good! I like! Adam AKA Dj Scarebear What Is the mind without the brain to think for it. |
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