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Open Poetry #24
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Last Days
| Open Poetry #24 |
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Last Days |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion 
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Last Days If the sun rose in the East that day, it was neither seen nor felt - no rays to warm skin; no daystar to grow leaves. A dark day, nearly blending with night. The cloud came when the city was quiet - arrived in thunderous claps awakening sleeping fears. Something akin to rain but not rain gushed from the sky, syrupy rivulets coagulated in gutters; sticky drops stained buildings and cars in splatter-patterns. Stepping outside, we breathed a silvery stench that slicked lips and coated tongues; saliva glands smothered, appetites withered. We stayed inside after that, stuffed towels around windows and doors; ate cold beans and fish from tins, swallowed the last drops of gray liquid stored in bathtubs and toilets. We had killed early on for bottled water, had drunk without savoring. We clung to one another in strained, reflexive hope. Lacking strength for prayer, still, we searched for a savior. We met him with dying eyes. © 2003 Core [This message has been edited by Corinne (01-27-2003 01:54 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Corinne - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
'A cloud came late last evening when the city was quiet. It arrived with thunder to awaken sleeping fear. Something like rain, but not rain poured from the sky. Syrupy rivulets ran down the street and sticky drops stained walls and cars in splatter-patterns.' Chilling...reminded me of a movie I watched earlier today. |
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the_loner_23 Member Ascendant
since 2002-06-08
Posts 5479Jacksonville, Florida, USA |
This is an awesome write Cold hands means a warm heart |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Indeed - Let us not be so cavalier as to think this isn't possible... Saying a prayer now...  |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
made me stop in my tracks |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (tears fall down my cheeks) Oh Corinne, it breaks my heart to see how so many people treat the less fortunate in forcing for them to survive like this! (sad sigh) My prayers are with all the homeless and downtrodden and I send angel hugs of hope out to them all that they will find comfort, clean water, food, clothes, and a hope to hang onto, God Bless You, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Corinne, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
Thank you, Duncan, Loner, Nan and passing shadows. Dear Noah, look again. Peace, Core |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
harsh ending... and leaves one hoping for a better demise ourselves |
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victoria_ann New Member
since 2003-01-26
Posts 3england, manchester |
love the first paragraph especially, but its all very good!! love vic  |
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paladin
since 2001-08-05
Posts 930Pensacola,Fl. |
".....not with a bang but with a wimper" Archabald Macleash paladin |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
Ron, yeah, this is extremely dark for me. Another poet challenged me to see how dark I could get, she routinely accuses me of holding back. Held nothing back here. Thanks, Vic. Thanks Pallidin. Perhaps. We'll see. Core |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
(smiling) This is as dark as you can get? Not that the subject and images are not dark..tragic in fact, but there is a well of strong emotion in you that has not been tapped...all the things hidden inside... you have dealt with in a positive way..kindly... perhaps the darker side is one to keep at bay, but this is not the darkest you can write... I think there is a lot more inside you than you show or tell when it comes to that. (smiling)... now... I am not saying anything ugly... and not saying anything to make light of this piece... just feels like there is a great deal more inside you than you share, especially on the "dark" side. |
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