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Open Poetry #24

Frozen In Florida

1slick_lady
Member Ascendant

since 2000-12-22

Posts 6088
standing on a shadow's lace

0 posted 2003-01-24 04:57 PM

Frozen In Florida

this morning
came with
no dew
a freezing
of their
gentle drops
sunlight silently
moved away
warmth withdrew
some chills
of winter
never stops

"It is like looking for a blizzard in a glass snowball. Unless you shake it up not one flake will fly."

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

1 posted 2003-01-24 05:11 PM

sometimes... it takes a while for things to thaw out.

Nicely crafted my friend...

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

2 posted 2003-01-24 05:19 PM

I see them! I see them! Nicely done!

I like the way you move this from the general to the very particular, and seamlessly back to the general again. A poem with a zoom lens....

If I were editing, the only change I'd make would be to work out the right parallism for lines 10 & 12; a tiny tweak, but important.

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant

since 2002-06-08

Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA

3 posted 2003-01-24 05:22 PM

I like it. It is like 40 here. I was like forget going outside. I'll watch from the warmth of the inside.

Cold hands means a warm heart

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

4 posted 2003-01-24 08:51 PM

I've got an icicle or two to share if you'd like... Well written, H...

paladin

Senior Member

since 2001-08-05

Posts 930
Pensacola,Fl.

5 posted 2003-01-24 10:24 PM

A few days ago the oak tree next to my house was filled with robins.They are the first sign of spring.I hope they don't get discouraged and go back to where it's warmer.

paladin

....a knight without armor

dhicks03
Member

since 2002-12-26

Posts 267
Missouri,USA

6 posted 2003-01-24 10:26 PM

Very nice, it's Brrrrrrrrrr here in Missouri!! Can't stay warm.

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