Open Poetry #24 |
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The first step into life |
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zenny Member
since 2002-11-24
Posts 371Belgium ![]() |
![]() The first step into life The first step into life a hard journey on it's own for few steps you shall strive 'cause you dislike being lone When that moment comes around and your poor heart skips a beat focus mind, ignore all sound and just walk through all the heat Take a step and have a look the world will still exist so go ahead, be no sook recall all given gist There you go...your quest did start Goodluck I wish to you now time tells me we are to part Your faith will guide you through The greatest thing u'll ever learn |
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© Copyright 2003 Kelly Verbeeck - All Rights Reserved | |||
Astro Member
since 2003-01-08
Posts 69Ca. |
I like the topic and I even respect the time and effort it takes to come up with words that rhyme. However, I felt thatthe poem tries too hard. It's sounds formal and stuffy. This is the kind of poem that belongs in a Thomas Kincaide gallery or an inspirational wilderness calendar so keep it light. Words like sook and gist sound out of place and pretentious. Just my opinion. I don't give it to be a jerk but because I care. Do with it whatever you want. |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Enjoyed...James |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
just beautiful! you inspire me ![]() |
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