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Open Poetry #24
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rewind button [acoustic#1]
| Open Poetry #24 |
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rewind button [acoustic#1] |
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christian Member
since 2002-12-18
Posts 331 |
rewind button [acoustic #1] [first poem] ---------------------------------------- sing to me make it a november halloween and remind me how ugly i am, don't you know, how much you make me hurt how much you make me feel how much you make me smile .. and on every cloudy afternoon inside closets--dreaming .. i'm screaming you find me you love me you don't know what to say say the most perfect things with such a beautiful acoustic you fingerpick; lyrical fairytales--you say .. and you take me away from writing poems on a cloudy afternoon inside closets--dreaming, so sing to me and make it a daytime soap opera, remind me how shakespearean things can get and make me forget don't you know, how much you make me hurt how much you make me feel how much you make me smile .. change me like i know you could and leave me there, bent and broken--in peices complete behind locked doors, discrete and whisper of bathroomsuicides i wanna go away because when mirrors have nothing to say side-sink reflections look broken .. and of emotions unspoken you come to realize that even angels can be bitches, yeah so could you sing of things--unpretentiously give this quasimodo the chance to daydream in slowmotion and flickerfade verses into the notion that maybe, just maybe things can be okay things will be okay .. sing to me make it a november halloween, and remind me how ugly i am, don't you know, how much you make me hurt how much you make me feel how much you make me smile .. --------------------------------------------- "and i dont want the world to see me because i don't think that theyd understand, when everythings meant to be broken i just want you to know who i am" --------------------------------------------- [This message has been edited by christian (12-19-2002 01:51 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 christian ragunton - All Rights Reserved | |||
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
reads nice Christian.... I personally find the repeating phrases to be overdone a bit and to distract from the overall impact of the poem. Brevity and sparing use of word and phrase to convey the esence of the feeling or message is a powerful tool.... I find this interesting in that you are telling a story in some ways....but also felt as if you are trying to emulate the lyrics and flow of a pop song... Welcome to the forum.... look forward to reading more from you... welcome to the forum by the way... |
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Laney Member
since 2002-12-18
Posts 85Illinois |
I absoulutely love this!! Its very different and refreshing!! I am a new member too, so from one new member to another--Welcome! I look forward to reading more from you! I'll definatly keep my eyes open. --Alana |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Christian ~ Welcome again! I've read one of your replies (to me!) and now I have had the pleasure of reading one of your poems! You wrote of many things that give me pleasure: November (Actually I love every month of the year!) Finger-picking my acoustic guitar. Lyrical fairy tales. Poems--reading and writing them! Soap Operas ( I tape Days of Our Lives) Mirrors (on a good hair day! lol) Daydreams (They take me to far off lands) Halloween (I love to dress up!) ---------and most of all--"smiles" warm hugs, Earth Angel |
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nosceteipsum Junior Member
since 2002-12-18
Posts 11i look for a star to the east, a savior |
well lookie there all broke up and everything. ha. 3.5 my friend...mmhmm 3.5. |
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Salty Senior Member
since 2002-11-23
Posts 669Texas |
Why is it we like those things that can be so dangerous in our lives. You have a real nice way of taking the reader right where you want them. I've just got to ask you about your critques of otheres .... i was slightly entertained with your boldness...are they for real? |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
Welcome to Passions. Enjoy your time here and I do hope you take a moment to check out the other Passions forums along with the rules and guidelines. If you are looking for more in depth writing perhaps Critical Analysis or Poetry workshop would be something you might want to check out. Looking forward to more from you.  |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
  Yay!!! Oh my gosh, I too share many of the hobbies you love to do, for I love to play guitar, love lyrics, Shakespeare, and looking at the sunrise. This is a beautifully wonderful debut, sweet friend, and may you be given the chance your golden heart deserves, I LOVE IT!!! Welcome to Passions, sweet Christian, may you be inspired by all of us here as we will all be inspired by your lovely words! I can't wait to read more of your lovely words, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Christian, thank you for sharing!   May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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christian Member
since 2002-12-18
Posts 331 |
some of us are acoustic hippies. some of us are music makers. some of us are rooftop dreamers, crying in the backseats of taxicabs. some of us rainbow ballerinas. and music makers. some of us are romantic suicides. or angels under fire. and we're all crazy. and we're all beautiful. -chris. ------------------------------------------- "i don't want the world to see me cause i dont think theyd understand when everythings mean to be broken i just want you to know who i am" ------------------------------------------- |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Hey Christian, it's me........... Seems I don't have to say anything, the other writers have said it all for me. BTW, I would like to welcome you here, Christian, and I do think that your talent shows potential....... Oh, and Christian, do you mind reading my response to you on the little poem I wrote... "The O Holy Night". Thank you. And again, welcome to PIP. "Love makes the world go around" |
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Sandpiper Senior Member
since 2002-06-15
Posts 738land of flora and fauna |
Welcome! "And it was at that age...Poetry arrived in search of me...And something started in my soul." |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
christian - well, I read it.... It seems that you have a lot to learn, that's why you're a junior member... BC [This message has been edited by Bill Charles (12-18-2002 08:52 PM).] |
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Suetang Member Ascendant
since 2001-03-07
Posts 5187Melbourne, Australia |
Hello Christian Thanks for sharing your heart with us and welcome to Passions. I hope you enjoy your time here with us. Take care......Sue I am in motion |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I love acoustics...great write, just like a song...yes. Welcome. Hope to read more. |
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christian Member
since 2002-12-18
Posts 331 |
bill: i'ma a junior member because i just ,today as a matter of fact, joined this club. -- thanks for taking the time to read my poem, moreover taking the time to drop your two cents. i'm all for critique and opinion. all i want from you guys is honesty. poets need seasoning too you know. -- -chris. ------------------------------------------ "and i don't want the world to see me cause i dont think that theyd understand when everythings meant to be broken i just want you to know who i am" ------------------------------------------ |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
christian, if it's seasoning you need, consider yourself salted and peppered. Welcome Kethry Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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