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Open Poetry #24
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Last call
| Open Poetry #24 |
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Last call |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn 
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She was working in a bar That I infrequently frequent And said that she knew me From some other time We chatted about music As I sipped on a whiskey We chatted about books As I sipped on another Though she is a youngster Compared to yours truly And a whole lot prettier Than I’ve ever been It seems, we connected As odd as that seems We’d just barely touched On the subject of life And I’d barely just touched An unordered whiskey When she pronounced me “ingenuous” And “not at all, moron” Then bade me return The next night she worked And gave me her number So we might continue….. [This message has been edited by wranx (12-16-2002 08:23 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 E.F.Rose - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
can't wait for part II.  How 'bout you?  (I see the Yeti has ways of staying warm...) |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
well... I'll be waiting for the rest. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Oh good...a life line... to be continued... |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Interesting write...on to part two......(God, have I heard "Last Call" a zillion times in my life....) |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Wranx, I like how you took the common and turned it into extraordinary. This is great! So talented, you are. Enjoyed the entire poem. Warm regards, Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
 You are frequently in genius mode. Whisky sometimes hides more than it reveals. |
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garysgirl 
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Ed, again, I like the story you're telling. Come on, now, and let us here the rest of how you stayed warm in this story. Okay??  "Love makes the world go around" |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
I'm waiting to see and hear... as for the not a moron... ( chuckling) I've known that all along. |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Intriguing...be careful of those "unordered" whiskeys, though.  Whether on the shoal or on the shore, |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
wranx~ I really enjoyed reading this; and, like the others, I am ready and waiting for part 2. ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Nice Ed, on the rocks or straight up? Either way hope it was enjoyed...the whiskey i mean |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Stories from the river. Very cool Ed. |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
When she pronounced me “ingenuous” And “not at all, moron” It is interesting how others perceive us opposed to the way we perceive ourselves. I think it's human nature to some extent that we are often blind to our best qualities. Really like the way you tell it! |
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Tracey Member Elite
since 2001-08-29
Posts 2808where insanity meets breeding |
Then bade me return The next night she worked And gave me her number So we might continue….. The title drew me in. The story has me entranced. This sounds like the beginning of a very interesting story. True or not, I’ll be waiting for the next episode. Funny how life hit’s you when you least expect it…and from whom you least expect it. You can never win or lose |
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MARK V SHELDON Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 3015In a corporeal internship... |
Wonderful lines of phrasing and imagery such as: "infrequently frequent", "unordered whiskey", "ingenuous" (rather than "ingenius"...?), and "so we might continue". Your writing makes me think of a Hasselblad photo -- caught simply, but saturated with detail. -MVS |
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Connel
since 2002-11-04
Posts 736Florida, USA |
Great poem.. thanks for sharing. I wish to become a great poet some day, but it will only come in time. Til then, I shall write my poems, and wait. |
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