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Open Poetry #24
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Heart in Bare Hands
| Open Poetry #24 |
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Heart in Bare Hands |
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enchantingvamp Member
since 2002-12-21
Posts 214Indiana, & NO there is NOT more than corn in Indiana, oughta go back to texas! |
Just let me write let me have a break through let me let loose of something in my heart held tight let someone anyone read and say oh yes this is it, the one, the moment of perfect clarity something perfectly absorbed something fresh something line dried in the spring breeze isn't there anyone someone please?? Nature has a funny way of breaking that which will not bend....Jewell |
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| © Copyright 2003 Leona Hill - All Rights Reserved | |||
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
(smiling) I just read your critique line... so perhaps I will gently try to give you all I got..(chuckling) This seems a mixed plea...you wish to let go of something inside you then want someone else to be moved by your work. They are compatable..and perhaps a progression of idea..in hoping that once you have let it go..written it out..that it will then move someone else to see they too can relate to it..or that you have done just that..written it out and let it go... It is an interesting piece as written and certainly good enough to stand as is....but there is also a possibility in the idea that it could be strengthened and or focused differently and hit the reader much harder. Not picking...and not being ugly here... as it is it reads well and certainly does not need my words or opinions for validation. I just feel there is more depth in what you felt when you said it..and expressing that depth may take an edit of this..or a re-think of how to write it... So...now if I went and stuck my foot in it all... somebody hand me a scraper and a hose... I sure didn't mean to and don't want to track it all over  |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggsssssssss) Oh Leona, this is lovely, sweet friend, I know just how you feel and now my muse is all gone with my unfaithfully departed heart-throb! (sad sigh) I wish for your pen to be fueled with this special deliverance again as you always have, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Leona, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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enchantingvamp Member
since 2002-12-21
Posts 214Indiana, & NO there is NOT more than corn in Indiana, oughta go back to texas! |
Capt Hair, hey I'm smilin! When I say sock it to me I mean it, I really respect the poets here who obviously have more wisdom than I, so I'll play with this a bit and see where it takes me!' Chow Nature has a funny way of breaking that which will not bend....Jewell |
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RSWells Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533 |
I stand by to breathe a blest "Oh Yes" |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Quote:"I really respect the poets here who obviously have more wisdom than I, so I'll play with this a bit and see where it takes me!" See...with this one line you show the fact my commentary is irrelevant...for I have no more wisdom than anyone here and it is debatable highly debatable that I am a poet.. |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
liked this, its right in your face, kind of stuff |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
well, all I can say is that I like this write and its replies, very much |
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winston Member
since 2002-12-19
Posts 204NW of Eden |
enchantingvamp of course  "am a tourist not a terrorist, don't shoot, cause we are all on a journey to God" Michak |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Leona, To write something old in an original way doesn't take wisdom, it takes talent. Having read all your recent posted poetry I'd say you've got both. Plus, throw in a good sense of humor which you've shown in one of your poems, and it's clear, you are gifted. Thank you for sharing your gifts with us. Enjoyed this poet's prayer... Hugs, Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Just keep on writing - We'll keep on reading.. and elucidation shall be ours...  |
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