»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #24
»
Tia
| Open Poetry #24 |
|
Tia |
|
|
Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
(Parts I and II were posted previously, though I have edited both for use here. Thanks for indulging me. It's rare that I'm this long-winded.) . . I. The bar was horseshoe shaped It was in a bar called Winston’s just before hitting the Alabama border, that I saw her, again. I’d been driving north for twelve hours not even the broadest destination in mind, content with the motion, until a sign blinked in the night offering ‘cold beer’. The bar was horseshoe shaped. Wondering where I should sit for luck, then wondering…for luck with what? I took a stool towards the back. As one’s life plays before them at the moment of their death, I saw her, again. A flash flood of beauty and devastation stepping from sleek to red clay. In the first instant I knew the end of the story would not change still again my heart gave no notice to the screams as she brushed my arm walking by. Love loves a fool who am I to argue? She held my gaze with equal surprise though not a hint of trepidation. The corner of her eye holding me, another moment enough for a fever enough for a chill enough. Suddenly, I felt the breath return to my chest, jaw unclench, foot step toward the floor and I wondered, was I drunk or just crazy, as I heard myself order her a beer. II. Let’s call it luck First words out of her pretty mouth, ‘What the hell are you doing here?’ I reminded myself her eyes said something else just a few steps before. ‘Some sadistic god called this shot’, I thought but to her, ‘Let’s call it luck’. Reflexively, my hand reached into my pocket for the coin she’d flipped two years before, surprising me with a demand of, ‘Call it’. I felt my stomach making every spin, until the ring of metal striking floor broke unsuspecting autumn night. And so it had been my call, she said and disappeared. I pulled out her chair and lit a cigarette chased the scent of her with Jack and waited for the burn, then the soothe of her, a flame, red from dark eyes promising everything and nothing, as her lips held the reason for my birth. Her voice slid into me like a rush through vein. I closed my eyes and all sound became raindrops on tin. III. I could have slept there forever It rained for nearly three days but the August heat paid no mind, so we slept through the afternoons fitfully, then deeply, wrapped in skin wet with humidity and the unspoken Southern charms of summers and youth. She would wake me then, into darkness that betrayed the curtained sun. A cool, dripping bandana soothing the back of my neck. Single, dawn-tinted nail hypnotically tracing my spine, until even breath rested with a tremor against soporific linen. I could have slept there forever, had she not lay down beside me. Had I not turned to find her eyes lost in a moment that I would live on for years. [This message has been edited by Duncan (01-14-2003 01:35 AM).] |
||
| © Copyright 2003 Duncan - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
enchantingvamp Member
since 2002-12-21
Posts 214Indiana, & NO there is NOT more than corn in Indiana, oughta go back to texas! |
bravo bravo bravo! Nature has a funny way of breaking that which will not bend....Jewell |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Each stands alone... and together, the story continues to unfold... not fair, this early in the morning... |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
as her lips held the reason for my birth. Her voice slid into me like a rush through vein. I closed my eyes and all sound became raindrops on tin. III. I could have slept there forever It rained for nearly three days but the August heat paid no mind, so we slept through the afternoons fitfully, then deeply, wrapped in skin wet with humidity and the unspoken Southern charms of summers and youth. She would wake me then, into darkness that betrayed the curtained sun. A cool, dripping bandana soothing the back of my neck. Single, dawn-tinted nail hypnotically tracing my spine, until even breath rested with a tremor against soporific linen. I could have slept there forever, had she not lay down beside me. Had I not turned to find her eyes lost in a moment that I would live on for years. ======================================= what you call "long winded," we will call a sequel that finds us either holding our breath while reading...or exhaling after willingly inhaling those lines of intended impact. Yeah...I WILL admit I inhale. rofl So Dunc....two words... MORE PLEASE!! love the name....me thinks Robbie would approve  and....me thinks the Capt will be smiling  very cool my friend...glad you came back around to this one...some mothy muses just wont let go.  hehIt's over long before her fall from grace, she's never been this far from safe. |
||
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
smiling? Hell... I'm breathless... I swear one of these days JM is going to miss one of my favorite lines when she gets to a poem before I do...just hasn't happened yet. There is nothing long winded about this. The writing is tight the story well told and the feeling it creates...just swirls in the readers mind before settling in the center of all that makes them feel. Danc....one of these days I swear I am going to learn to write like this.. BRAVO...and a tip of the hat! Now..I have only one word.... MORE!!!!!! |
||
|
Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Duncan You weave a good story and I was captured by your web, enjoyed. |
||
|
Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
...WOW!!!... |
||
|
regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
This is so enjoyable. I remember the following line from when you posted before and it still is one of my all time favorites: "as her lips held the reason for my birth" This ended too soon, and do hope you continue. So well written is all I can say. warm regards, Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
||
|
Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
Duncan, this is awesome poetry. Heck, I thought I was there in the bar watching the two of you.....or feeling the damp of that morn from the humidity that swirled around. Superbly done... |
||
|
wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Yes, I'd read some of this before, and it stood alone quite well. But this, is a wonderful patchwork(?)of relative thought....I mean, that it's a smooth read. Ed |
||
garysgirl 
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Duncan, all I can say is........is there more......PLEASE..... "Love makes the world go around" |
||
|
Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggssssssssss) BRAVO!!! Oh Duncan, this is magnificent, this is so fruitful and complete as I believe many windows can pen from here on in and the waiting becomes an excursion! (sigh) God Bless You, sweet friend, this is a keeper, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Duncan, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
||
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
You know I love this...still rings true, and the edit didn't hurt a bit (and you know how I normally hate that) and hey you? e me? (I am the ditz who keeps losing your e mail, addy...) |
||
|
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Smiling at the way you sweated this one out, hot drops of the Duncan's life force.   Chuckled at this: "Thanks for indulging me. It's rare that I'm this long-winded." |
||
|
suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Long-winded???? Ha!!! *G* Then why the heck am I breathless? Excellent work, Duncan! |
||
|
Bridget Shenachie Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056Kansas USA |
Great writing, Duncan! You never fail to atonish me with your writing. So when are you going to publish a book of the heart? You say it all so well...the hot and humid, too! Shenachie |
||
|
vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoyed |
||
|
Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
Duncan - this is a most stunning writing. I'm glad you put all the parts together in one package... BC |
||
|
BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
Now you've gone and made my eyes water... so many 'real' good and honest feelings in this. I hope you don't ever catch your breath, you blew the wind in all the right directions. I'm impressed and I enjoyed reading this so very much Duncan. Thanks a lot for making me cry! |
||
|
passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I remember these...wonderful combination! |
||
|
JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Enjoyed every word...James |
||
|
Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
Oh dear, I'm speechless here, catching my breath too. As much as you like the pics of my country, I like to read your poetry pal. Titia Like scattered leaves...my words will flow |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
