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Open Poetry #24
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Scene from an unwritten book
| Open Poetry #24 |
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Scene from an unwritten book |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855
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"There will never be a truth written about love." She produced a new match, lighting against the wind. Having it glow. Smoke curled from her mouth. She let it fall away, its form brief, eradicated. "There is no use to try. Poets never understand. They pretty it with flowers, romanticize with graves, talk about the sea, or fragrant traces in the air." She covered her mouth with a gloved hand -- purple as the sea behind us. Twice she coughed. "They forget they are alone." I shivered in the wind. "To talk about it prettily is a waste of the mind. And yet to shy away is a firm choice to sink." She looked at me then, a smile starting to form. "Promise me you won't ever try." |
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| © Copyright 2003 MPC - All Rights Reserved | |||
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
oh bud, I like this one..... it tells a story and doesn't....it is cynical without being cruel..and it is enigmatic... good stuff... truly good stuff. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
OH MAN!!!!! I love this poem!! what bittersweet beauty this is.... the poet that wrote this one UNDERSTANDS!! very very cool write Mikey...the conversational style suits your pen's other gifts well. It's over long before her fall from grace, she's never been this far from safe. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
 Thank you both. And I realized upon rereading it that either person can be speaking, though I originally intended it for only one person saying those things. Still, it opens the poem up. Thanks again, for reading. |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
This is really fine, Mikey! This, for me, is the most powerful part. Only a few words, but central. "They forget they are alone." And......So true! Sheesh. Ed |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Oooooh Mikey.....do I love this? Yes!! Your writing is so cool!! Chris "Hope" is the thing with feathers- |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoyed |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Mike, I really like the conversation thing, too. It worked very well.....  "Love makes the world go around" |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Wow, this is exceptional. You said so much without over-explaining. Exellent poetry, I enjoyed the read.  *Krista Knutson* |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
...a fine talent! pure beautiful! |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
had to come back and visit it again... truly an exceptional piece of story telling... truly.. |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Yes. good story telling.. I especially like the first and the last lines... Really do like it and as someone said, it is not overwritten. Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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winston Member
since 2002-12-19
Posts 204NW of Eden |
I like the title. The poem's very readable as a narrational monologue. "am a tourist not a terrorist, don't shoot, cause we are all on a journey to God" Michak |
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Salty Senior Member
since 2002-11-23
Posts 669Texas |
I just love it when writers can make things sound so real......and you did just that. A very Fine job of it too..I might add. ~Salty In the Midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you. |
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INclan Senior Member
since 1999-07-20
Posts 1024Indiana, USA |
Interesting. Well done and well said. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Thanks all. From this, it looks like I might end up trying prose again. Yikes! |
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