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Open Poetry #24
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mortmain crossing
| Open Poetry #24 |
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mortmain crossing |
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast 
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ashen sigh of granite when you sleep I kiss your chill with foot step mouth I smear your lipstick dust your winter skin without flaw perfection mosaic do your lines have feeling where they meet at corners too 90ish to be smile degrees do you really want a star tattoos on women mean someone has touched privately in public at least in thought would I see it with bare feet and have you chosen a name of that man or woman would you wear an animal perhaps the gypsum moschus can I still sleep with you when the ginmills discard me will you warm me with your metal and show my fingers your color can we sit and talk sometimes when bare legs wave at buicks ©Dark (place in hollywood that I used to sit and sip whiskey...they are gonna put a star there now....whoopee I guess, but even a sidewalk needs a love poem) |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Even a sidewalk needs a love poem... catching traces of footstep in shadows... |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Dark Stranger An intricate weave of ebb, enjoyed. |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
"when bare legs wave at buicks" Yes...even a sidewalk needs a love poem. Mmmmm, good morning DS. ~Smiles & Winks~ ~Time has cast a spell on you, |
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garysgirl  
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
I like this poem for the sidewalk.........  "Love makes the world go around" |
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defenestrate Junior Member
since 2003-01-10
Posts 46nc, us |
excellent metaphor/imagery. i'm kind of curious as to the separated final line. did you do it to keep the other stanzas uniform? is it designed to leave the reader with a kind of superimposed image (of the bare legs waving) that is to be taken as being as important as each separate stanza? i hope you'll forgive me for my naivete, i'm not a very experienced poetry reader, and i'm hoping to improve my writing skills by understanding why people choose to do certain things in their work. i can relate very well with this work-good stuff. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I am just giddy over here. swooning. sigh. damnyergood. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
well..can't say I am giddy or swooning but do agree...damnyourgood... nice to read you again DS... I do enjoy the imagery and style.. |
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Salty Senior Member
since 2002-11-23
Posts 669Texas |
I think you just seduced your way in...leaving a warm sidewalk smile Beautiful write! ~Salty In the Midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you. |
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
Sunshine....mmmm you serve such sweet greetings, thanks babe. Sy, thanks guy..just trippin again. Enchantress, you warm the morning lady friend, thanks to you. garysgirl, thank you for your review and reply. defenstrate....more of a footprint that has followed me for a few years....usually just how it happens, something left sticking out....in this case it was the ladies of the night that are viewed from this curb arena in the midnight review that lingered after my mind was lifted from the limeskined stage? Thanks for your review and interest...a pleasure to share my friend. Serenity.....your saliva is lovely may I bottle it in a worthy flask? Thanks lady.. Cpat..thanks for your review, made my day my friend. Salty, mmmmmmm thanks babe...seduction is such a lovely naughty. [This message has been edited by Dark Stranger (01-10-2003 09:40 AM).] |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoyed  |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
ashen sigh of granite when you sleep I kiss your chill with foot step mouth I smear your lipstick dust your winter skin without flaw perfection mosaic do your lines have feeling where they meet at corners too 90ish to be smile degrees do you really want a star tattoos on women mean someone has touched privately in public at least in thought ============================== I was thinking how cool this poem was... all the personification and analogy...thinking you were speaking abstractly of a woman...then I get to your explanation at the end and I just had to smile...learning this was about the sidewalk made all the metaphors even cooler...and as always....impressive. yeah...even sidewalks need love poems  I smear your lipstick dust could that line be any cooler!!! Moths dont care if the flame is real |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Enjoyed the stroll along the sidewalk, smiled at the lipstick dust...  I remember Hollywood, lived in the Canyon years ago. BTW, is McCabe's in SM still alive and well? |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
and smiles linger long after the read.... well done amigo! |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
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Greeneyes
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
 Missed you.....L~ I sing to life |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
This needs to find its' way back to the top. I'll help it along. Ed |
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GOlDsparklESS Member
since 2001-12-13
Posts 428central nj |
hot damn!!! what else can i say???? i am stuck in inarticulate splendor |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
 now that was some use of metaphors - it has my heart in flutters up here.Sure have missed your writing and it was so nice to see your name here tonight. ~ The soul lies buried in ink that does not flow ~ |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (sigh) I've been down Hollywood Boulevard before up through Vine Street and beyond and with so much decay and desolation around the suburbs, it would never hurt to urban renewalize! (big hugggsssssss) God Bless You, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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