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ybear
New Member

since 2007-09-15

Posts 6

0 posted 2007-09-15 07:43 PM

My first Holy Communion
was not the first time
I wholly communed
with the boundless divine.
It was not in a shrine
that I became God.
It seems odd, now,
to think that I used to believe
that the only way that there
was to retrieve
my innocence,
my purity,
my godliness
was to eat a blessed wafer
in Church,
where they told me
that I had been born defiled,
inherently evil since I was a child.
And that only the son of The Boss,
the man hanging up on the cross,
who was bloody and tortured and thin,
could forgive me my sin
and save me
from darkness lurking within,
from the fiery doom of hell,
where I’d go if I didn’t do well
at the tasks that the priests prescribed,
the things I tried
so hard to get right.
The knowledge that I was to blame,
the shame and the guilt
weighed me down day and night
and consumed me from my core.
Living well became a chore.
I idolised perfection,
but in my own reflection saw
the devil, evil, red and raw.
I went diligently to confession,
where a man whose chosen profession
was to translate the word of the Lord
“aha”-ed as if he were bored
and had heard it all before –
He gave me 10 Hail Marys
and sent me on my way –
I’d pray and pray and pray and pray,
then recommit
the same sin the next day,
and punish myself in my head
for thinking bad thoughts
or for saying things
which I shouldn’t have said –
a vicious cycle of sin, guilt and dread.
I’m glad that my outlook is changing,
that my mind is re-arranging
the way that I think about God –
He’s no longer outside me,
judging me harshly or threatening me
with burning in hell for eternity,
In fact He’s no longer and he but a she
and She, yes, God, is actually Me!
I was always at one with the source,
and there’s no way of being
that I have to force,
as I’ve never been impure
or dirty or bad,
what I think or do doesn’t make Jesus Christ sad.
There is nothing to forgive!
I am free to embrace all it is
to live,
to explore this wide world
full of Gods just like me,
enlightened, happily, playfully,
with the magic and awe
of a child, now I sense
my return to
God-like innocence…

sandgrain
Member Elite

since 1999-09-21

Posts 3662
Sycamore, IL, USA

1 posted 2007-09-17 02:33 PM

Although I dont' agree with your belief I could appreciate this was a well written piece. Welcome to the blue pages of PIPsters.

Rae

moondogz
Member

since 2007-05-01

Posts 397
Great White North

2 posted 2007-09-17 10:37 PM

ybear...this is a magnificent poem..bless
you for sharing it. I also grew up in a
catholic household...took me a long time
to realize that in a round about way "they" set me on a path to find my true spirituality..also you couldn't have picked
a better title...well done and welcome to
pip talk.
moon.

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