Bald LongJohn, (LngJhnAg), Sung to the tune of Big Bad John

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Toerag
Member Ascendant

since 1999-07-29

Posts 5622
Ala bam a

0 posted 2002-10-25 03:32 PM

Ev'ry mornin' 'round nine ya can see him arrive
A few hairs less, above his eyes,
The gals' they behold him, he gives them lip
Ev'ry one knew he just got off the ship..
LONGJOHN

Nobody knows where John called home,
He just drifted into poetry and posted a poem
He writes about kitties, his wife and Toe
When he writes about Lorelei he simply glows
LONGJOHN

Somebody said he came from New Orleans
Where he gotta-lotta gas from Cajun Beans
And passin' gas thru-out this land,
Sent allotta us Poets to the promised land
LONGJOHN

He was named on a ship that was quite old
Before they had bathrooms, had a wide commode
When all of the sailors needed to wee
They just went to the side and wee'd in the sea
LONGJOHN

Then came the day at an outhouse out back
When LongJohn was squattin'..(imagine that)
But the weight of his rear made the thing crack
LongJohn fell thru-from the place that he sat.

Thru the dust and the smell of this man made hell
Down to the bottom old LongJohn fell,
Grabbing at timbers and roots and muck
Everyone knew he was outta luck
LONGJOHN

They never reopened that worthless pit
Just placed a headstone over it
And on that headstone reads these words:
"At the bottom of this pit lies one big turd
LONGJOHN"

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

1 posted 2002-10-25 03:44 PM

ROFLMAO!!! Oh, my... that sailor should know by now that however long he hides, you'll have something worthy waiting for him when he slithers back into town! LOL

I'm surprised he merits a headstone, though... are you sure that's not just a sign warning people to stay away from toxic waste?? LOL

Love this, Toe... but yanno, it's really not kind to the people I work with to start me singing! LOL

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

2 posted 2002-10-25 03:49 PM

This is simply wonderful! I am really enjoying getting to know you guys so well.

You should compile all these biographies and publish them in a book.

May I suggest the following title:

"HairyLarry and the LongToedDeer"

EA

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

3 posted 2002-10-25 03:56 PM

Mr. Toe...a very fitting comeback, I do say. You know what, though?!? I'm like Suthern...it sure seemed that I could hear that deep bass voice of Tennessee Ernie Ford singing this loving poem of yours....especially the LONGJOHN words at the end of each verse. HaHa!!!!

As always, I loved this from ya'll.
Love To All,
Ethel

Toerag
Member Ascendant

since 1999-07-29

Posts 5622
Ala bam a

4 posted 2002-10-25 03:57 PM

garysgirl..it was actually Jimmy Dean..LOL

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

5 posted 2002-10-25 04:11 PM

I can not believe ME a grown wooman sat here in the livingroom singing this at the top of my lungs LOL, but it was worth it, good stab at the old pirate for sure.

*Stubby*
Member

since 2002-09-19

Posts 122

6 posted 2002-10-25 04:13 PM

Heheheheheheheheheh

J

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

7 posted 2002-10-25 09:25 PM

Toe,
Should plant a tree by the stone in memory. It must be really fertile soil!

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

8 posted 2002-10-25 09:30 PM

You pile sixteen tons and whaddaya get?
LongJohn smelling nasty as a human can get.
Hey, Toerag, don't get jealous
Cause everyone knows
When you come by
You do a job on a nose!

regards2you
Member Elite

since 2002-10-01

Posts 3940
California

9 posted 2002-10-25 09:53 PM

Now I will have that tune running through my mind all night, with a few amusing pictures as well. Thank you, I needed this, and all the others.

Am still giggling as I write this.

Warmly,
Pat

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
"Desiderata"

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

10 posted 2002-10-25 10:17 PM

Yep, it was, Mr. Toe. I was thinking of "Sixteen Tons".

Ethel

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

11 posted 2002-10-25 10:21 PM

(giggles in delight) Oh my gosh, so that is how the story goes, awwwwww, he don't know what he's doin, methinks! LOL! (big hugggssssss) These all just have to be published, you all crack me up, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Toerag, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

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