»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #23
»
A grasp away from eden
| Open Poetry #23 |
|
A grasp away from eden |
|
|
Alpha_Omega Junior Member
since 2002-11-26
Posts 23 |
The serenity in the mist, is so tranquil Captures the images of morning in the rain Of a sunset overlooking heaven And the crashing waves in the hell below Look upon the beauty near the bluffs Grasp the movements of her lips The pace of her stance The hole in her soul Careless in every moment… Lye in green meadows In the coldest morning And glimpse upon her image of grace As she falls into my arms Embrace her touch Sensual in its caress In her eyes the pleasure and pain Hide in the rain, so far away To revive the cycle of questions Dwell upon the thoughts for days Filter through the illusions And dwindle into nihility In a state of omission Enclose yourself upon this fantasy Let her touch take you into this Reality that is a grasp away from Eden And a point from purgatory Only to fade away Far from this reality I am now Yet I feel drawn towards my lover |
||
| © Copyright 2002 Alpha_Omega - All Rights Reserved | |||
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Hey Alpha.. I'm a big fan of minamilistic writing. Using a few words to say a lot. I like the idea of this and the feeling you are going after... but got lost along the way. Now that may well be due to the way I read, and the things I like to read..so don't take any of this too seriously or as a fact. I think it has a lot of promise...but could use a good tightening up and edit to make sure the idea stay clear to the reader and that it flows.... just my two cents worth... and we all know two cents is not worth much... later!!! |
||
|
Alpha_Omega Junior Member
since 2002-11-26
Posts 23 |
Hmm, I can definatly see where your going with that...I suppose it was the way I was making the whole plot go. The direction I was aiming for had to do alot with reverse "journey". More so of having Resolution, come before Chaos, and Initiation. But also I was looking for a different direction, and the way I was looking at it was more so of an alternate reality, in where what I see is more of an illusion, and the thoughts and false reality that I cant bear...So I guess thats my thoughts of how the poem was directed. Oh well... |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
