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Stoned
| Open Poetry #23 |
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Stoned |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
2 am and they are closing so you know, we have to go Staggered grumble Of spit spoken words Don’t frame your face In subtlety “Do you have any idea how unhappy I am?” “I know you are. Talk to me about it.” Hallway crouch trapped you Into brief sobs Denied I listen For stucco words Strung on wire The mortar set Not marred by thrown coat Or crumbled by stomp Still… Silent split Rumbles without sounds or measure taken Morning passed you sleeping While I waited to listen |
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| © Copyright 2002 Cpat Hair - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Ron I can feel the tension across the miles that your heart writes with these few well chosen words. It hurts. Hope you are okay?!  |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Ron, My heart goes out to both characters, not a good place for either to be. I never know if a poet is writing about a personal currrent event, and if it is I am sorry for what you must be going through, on the otherhand, this is so classically dysfunctional it could be any couple who haven't found a way to communicate. I believe most have been at this stage, one way or another. You captured it so well, it makes me glad I am single. Some serious living going on here. It seems very, very real! Warmest regards to you, Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
Hi Ron, Another very sad one. Humanity at its most desperate. Sigh. Whatever shall we do with you to cheer you up? Anyway, love the metaphor of stucco and wire and walls. Cor |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Staggered grumble Of spit spoken words Don’t frame your face In subtlety “Do you have any idea how unhappy I am?” “I know you are. Talk to me about it.” Hallway crouch trapped you Into brief sobs This is the kind of writing I'm always glad to see from you, Ron. Sorry, I like the somberness...lol. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
A perfect glimpse of what we do to each other when our timing is off. |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
Waiting to listen~ If only a silent heart could speak, but often times the scars run too deep and it is far too painful to reveal the secrets that we keep. Never the less, I love how you write from your heart without giving anything away~ and always, you speak fluently to me. |
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MARK V SHELDON Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 3015In a corporeal internship... |
In a strange way, this scene makes me think of Billy Joel's "The Piano Man"... "and they all share a drink they call lonliness, but it's better than drinking alone..." Your voice frequently comes across as an empathetic, warm-hearted one, here as well. Powerful. -MVS "AS ABOVE SO BELOW" |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
*Shaking head in amazement* Fantastically powerful write Ron. Much enjoy your creativity. ~Hugs~ ~ Life is too short not to believe in Santa Claus ~ |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
this is really sad, and it is hitting home about something releveant to me right now. so thank you, but now i have to read some fluff piece again............. |
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RSWells Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533 |
Morning's light has a way of masking truth. I do see the frosty breath from a downcast face framed by two used hands and a man aside patient but weary. |
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kayjay Member Elite
since 2002-06-24
Posts 2015Oregon |
A desperate search for communication. Very well done and such word choice!! KJ Through rubble and trouble and dark of night |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
You've stripped this down to bare. A worn too slick, slice of life. words, that seem to have chosen themselves. Damn! Ed |
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Sandpiper Senior Member
since 2002-06-15
Posts 738land of flora and fauna |
Made me think of the song, "Sounds of Silence"...raw emotions!! |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
poetry that leaves a bruise. I read this yesterday and it just haunted me. oh man...I need to go to munchkinland or something.  |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Cpat Hair A kite flying in the blue I have seen before, enjoyed. |
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garysgirl 
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Ron, you write with such reality and hard, cold facts. What a talent you sre, Sir. If this wasn't from your own experiences, it sure did sound like it was. But, isn't that what a good writer does?!? They make the reader wonder if this is about them personally, or is it just written from imagination? (I'm leaving here still wondering???)  "Love makes the world go around" |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Very expressive...James |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (smiles) Oh Ron, I think inspirationally we are always stoned by your words, you have such an unorthodox wit with your style that always leaves me in awe! (big hugggsssssss) This is wonderfully narrated, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Ron, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
sad...but good |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Gutwrenching, Ron. You left me crumpled a bit from this, a parallel deja-vu. |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
"waiting to listen"...that line says so much about you...so many people talk and talk, and never 'listen'...great write |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
as i said above, i liked this......... and as i told u re: my own write, us brooklyn chicks could take it........ but we could also dish it out....... so........i'll be watching your lines too, my friend!!!!! |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Ron~ As others have said, this is a powerfully sad and haunting write. Very well expressed, my friend. Hugs, ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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Sunkissed Senior Member
since 2002-12-03
Posts 610 |
I don't know what I can say that hasn't already been expressed. compact it all into one and you have my comment. Sunkissed |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
Cpat Hair - many thoughts here to contemplate... Nice write... BC |
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