The Velvet Sky ( a senryu or the other kind?)

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

0 posted 2002-11-18 05:48 PM

The stars are shining
Brightly in the velvet sky
Whispering softly

moonflower
Junior Member

since 2002-11-17

Posts 37
magical land of make-believe

1 posted 2002-11-18 05:51 PM

how soft and beautiful this reads...i love it..

inside every soul there is music...let the music play

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

2 posted 2002-11-18 05:56 PM

Valerie, thank you for reading my poem and for your sweet reply.

"Love makes the world go around"
~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

3 posted 2002-11-18 06:09 PM

Ethel, that is a lovely haiku. You certainly have been broadening your poetic horizons--and beautifully at that!

...and I know what those stars are whispering to you.....tehe

~ May your nights be forever star-filled

Linda

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

4 posted 2002-11-18 06:30 PM

Ethel, this is so lovely!! Chris

"Hope" is the thing with feathers-
that perches in the soul....

-Emily Dickinson

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

5 posted 2002-11-18 06:35 PM

yes, the other kind

M

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

6 posted 2002-11-18 07:00 PM

Linda, thanks for telling me the word. I couldnn't think of "haiku".
Thanks for your compliment, too.
Oh, now what do you think the stars are whispering to me?!? HeeHee!!

"Love makes the world go around"
~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

7 posted 2002-11-18 07:02 PM

Thank you, Chris, for reading my little thingy. I'm glad you liked it.

"Love makes the world go around"
~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

8 posted 2002-11-18 07:03 PM

Maureen, I thought it was. That kind is about nature, right??
Thank you for answering me.

"Love makes the world go around"
~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

9 posted 2002-11-18 08:02 PM

Beautiful Ethel...very beautiful
~Hugs~

~Love, like magic, depends on believing~

Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-12-05

Posts 8296
Michigan

10 posted 2002-11-18 08:06 PM

Smooth and soft, Ethel

~ loving chipmunk hugs

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled" Gwendolyn Brooks

scorpio
Member Ascendant

since 2002-10-02

Posts 5178
right...there

11 posted 2002-11-18 08:11 PM

Beautiful haiku, Ethel...aren't these fun to write??

...believe what your heart feels...

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

12 posted 2002-11-18 08:23 PM

Nancy Lee, thank you very much for your reply.

"Love makes the world go around"
~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

13 posted 2002-11-18 08:24 PM

Thanks, sweet Chippymunk, for the reply and the little Chipmunk hugs.

"Love makes the world go around"
~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

14 posted 2002-11-18 08:28 PM

Scorpio, thanks for replying. Yes, these little haiku's are fun to write, aren't they?

"Love makes the world go around"
~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

15 posted 2002-11-18 09:22 PM

It was sweet and beautifull. I love haikus. The difference between a haiku and a serenyu is that haikus lean a little more towards nature, while serenyus are written to teach you a lesson or tell you something meaningfull.
this is a haiku:

moss cradled softly,
a tree of age and wisdom,
Once reached for the sky

This is a serenyu:

Don’t be conceded,
Concession brings about failure,
Hope is good fortune

hope this helped. Thank you for sharing your sweet little poem

~Liz~

Never be normal!

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

16 posted 2002-11-18 09:25 PM

Please correct me if I'm wrong, I didn't learn this in depth. I know that the basic structure of haikus and serenyus are 5 syllable, 7 syllable and 5 syllable, but that was all I was taught. It wasn't from a greatly reliable source, so I might be wrong.

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

17 posted 2002-11-18 09:58 PM

Liz, thank you for your help.
Yes, Karilea (Sunshine) told me that the senryu is
5 syllable--7 syllable--5 syllable.
And I thought I had read somewhere on here that the haiku was the same, except that it was about nature. I wasn't sure, though, so that's the reason for the question.
Anyway, you're really sweet for helping me to know the difference. I appreciate it.

"Love makes the world go around"
~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~

NewEnglandlazurlu
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-01-04

Posts 7470
A Mountain Paradise

18 posted 2002-11-18 10:19 PM

Ethel, I am so impressed and so proud of your haiku. Nice work there girl!

Hugs, Marti

"I am not afraid of STORMS for I have learned how to sail my SHIP."
Louisa May Alcott

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

19 posted 2002-11-18 10:57 PM

Cherubs smiles wink
With innocent tears of love
Dappling blue skies

Yay!!! Oh Ethel, your gorgeous words always make me happy, this is beautiful, I love it, this made me think of angels because I love angels so much, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Ethel, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

20 posted 2002-11-19 01:44 AM

Marti, thank you so much. I really appreciate you telling me that.

"Love makes the world go around"
~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

21 posted 2002-11-19 01:47 AM

Noah, thanks so much for reading my poem and for your kind reply. I loved your little poem, too.

"Love makes the world go around"
~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

22 posted 2002-11-20 09:41 AM

This is very descriptive and very well done.

It is a senyru, accdg. to a definition given me. If there is personification "whispering" then it is not haiku, but senyru. Metaphors and similes present would also take it away from being haiku.

There's a site for haiku but I can't recall the web address. It can total boggle the mind to read all the tight parameters that fit around haiku. I hardly ever try to write them anymore because of these stringencies. If you find it, maybe you will come away less daunted than I did.

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

23 posted 2002-11-20 09:59 AM

Virginia, thanks so much for your explanation. You are really a great teacher. I really enjoy learning from all of you talented people here. I'll go see if I can change the word "haiku". Thanks.

"Love makes the world go around"
~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~

Suetang
Member Ascendant

since 2001-03-07

Posts 5187
Melbourne, Australia

24 posted 2002-11-20 04:34 PM

Hello Ethel

I saw so many beautiful images from so few words.

Take care......Sue

I am in motion
I am blue
Love is an ocean
I'm anchored in you
- Shawn Mullins

SmartChick
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-09-23

Posts 7081
On A Journey To The Unknown

25 posted 2002-11-20 05:04 PM

Ethel, this is a beautiful haiku.

majnu

Senior Member

since 2002-10-13

Posts 1088
SF Bay Area

26 posted 2002-11-20 05:10 PM

nice.

-majnu
--------------------------------------
Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet.

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

27 posted 2002-11-20 07:07 PM

Sue, thank you so much for reading my verse
and for your really nice reply. I appreiate it.

"Love makes the world go around"
~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

28 posted 2002-11-20 07:24 PM

Sue, thanks so much for reading and
for your reply.

Majnu, I really appreciate you reading
my little verse. Thanks for your reply.

"Love makes the world go around"
~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.