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Kristine
Member

since 2002-10-30

Posts 92
Mahal Kita!!!

0 posted 2002-11-14 06:24 AM

I feel you slipping
away from me
like a sand
in my hands
Slowly trickles
Through my fingers
Until suddenly
Painfully, desperately
I close my hands
to hold on to some of it
But most of it
already spilled.
My heart
now
Emptied. Finished
Gone.
And the rest of me
Loose, torn free
Tried and frightened
Crying, fading
Wondering
WHY
You can’t
Love
ME.

This isn't really that good, but it's still in the works.

Sometimes Love is like awkward poetry, the words may not be just right
but when love comes freely from the heart the message sings!

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-11-08

Posts 9269
Pennsylvania

1 posted 2002-11-14 07:08 AM

A great theme for a poem. I loved the imagery. Enjoyed reading
Liz

Kristine
Member

since 2002-10-30

Posts 92
Mahal Kita!!!

2 posted 2002-11-14 07:21 AM

Thank you for your comment, Liz
I'm glad you liked it.

Sometimes Love is like awkward poetry, the words may not be just right
but when love comes freely from the heart the message sings!

EagleScorpion
Senior Member

since 2000-03-08

Posts 1644
Here, Now, Forever

3 posted 2002-11-15 10:03 AM

hey i thought it was very good. you are your own worst judge, you know. I truly hope this isnt how you really feel about somebody b/c that is most unfortunate. The idea that love has escaped your heart is a cold illusion. Remember that.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

4 posted 2002-11-15 10:08 AM

Kristine, you've got a good start. You might want to look around Critical Analysis, and better yet, join up in the Poetry Workshop. Just ask Nan for the key to the door...

In Critical Analysis and Poetry workshop, you can hone your poem until you feel it is just "right" and then present it in Open Forum, or the various other Forums, like Spiritual, Corner Pub, etc.

So, write on!

luvlorn322
Junior Member

since 2002-10-28

Posts 43

5 posted 2002-11-15 01:24 PM

There is nothing more inspiring or immeasurable than the pain of unrequited love, keep writing, it will never be perfect but it is therapudic

Kristine
Member

since 2002-10-30

Posts 92
Mahal Kita!!!

6 posted 2002-11-16 01:51 AM

Thank you all for your wonderful comments.
It's really nice to be here

Sometimes Love is like awkward poetry, the words may not be just right
but when love comes freely from the heart the message sings!

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