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civil war
| Open Poetry #23 |
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civil war |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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He sat there on my patio his auburn lights played in the glow of tiki torches fire glance of sparks from chiminea. "You look a million miles away..." He turned his back avoiding me "Not quite a million, but it feels like more." I replied to the back of his head. "Who is he?" I heard his voice break with just the tiniest of quiver. "I know that look. I put it there... so you know that you can't lie." So I told him everything. * * * He sighed and poked a spark from ash, in the dying embers, framed in clay then he turned to me and smiled, I could see the mist in his eyes-- he kissed me then on my forehead-- "The South loses to North--again." then I watched his eyes go dim-- he was a million miles away... [This message has been edited by serenity blaze (11-11-2002 02:19 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
DawnG 
since 2000-06-23
Posts 1494United States |
Karen, This is a very deep poem. I hope the emotions that I read into this poem are emotions of the past and not things you are living through in your present. Dawn |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
smiling...Dawn...you are very sweet. and no..it's not the present (grinning..a couple of days ago? maybe..) But not to worry...this did not involve my marriage. OH. (maybe I should worry! Oy vey! vith vinks!  )ppsssstttttt...and thank you! |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
very cool. conversational. easy, but with depth. you were honest here... i like that.  |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
C...hugs you, and the title bugged me..hadta change that. sometimes, two words will do...  thank you. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
That's how good you are... you make it feel real... |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
"Who is he?" I heard his voice break with just the tiniest of quiver. "I know that look. I put it there... so you know that you can't lie." ============================== oh damn......... major moth damn................ (and sigh) ....... |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
(sigh) Wow!!! Oh my gosh, this is marvelous, sweet friend, I too am glad this is not the present as I wish for this peacetime to alays last in your heart and may your south forever melt with the north of your heart in harmony and joy! (big hugggssssss) This is incredible sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Karen, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Oh My! Oh Karen! This is excellent! I felt as though I were engrossed in a movie.. and I didn't want it to end. Love the "conversation" concept in this piece. Well done! ~Hugs~ ~Let your heart guide you... |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
LOL @ JM's 'major moth damn'. Exceptional writing here, K. Took me to the moment. Good thing I remembered to drop some breadcrumbs. |
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majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
i love your style: subtle, soft, and open, making us give so much of ourselves to get more out. -majnu |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
the journey of a million miles begins with one step... one should always watch where they put their feet... or the one step may leave them unable to return... |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I am sitting here picturing a moth saying "damn..." and cracking up myself. Jan, you are adorable! and I tell ya what...I'd explain this'n, but it's all FICTION. Thanks for reading. I appreciate the enouragement as I continue to delve into the free verse "thang"--and C? lookie, I even used articles this time, tho I still feel it threw the rhythm off. (stay tuned, for another exciting episode...  )Hugs to forum. |
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DawnG
since 2000-06-23
Posts 1494United States |
Karen, Wow! I'm sweet now? That's the best I've heard all day. LOL. I'm so happy that this piece is all fiction. I was so concerned it was about the new marriage. Now, if only I could get a *man* to call me sweet, I'd jump right out of my wheelchair and do cartwheels. LOL. Dawn |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Karen, even though I don't always reply to all of your poems, I do try to not miss any of them. They are always a delight to me. You are a real talent, friend. Like some of the others, I can't always tell when your poetry is real or fictional, but that's what makes you so great.....you're sometimes a mystery !!HeeHee!!! (but, I kinda think that's your intention, huh?) Seriously, Karen, I think you know by now that I really like your work...whatever style you use to write, it's always great. Thanks so much for sharing your little impish self with us. (don't know how to put a little smiling devil, but would if I could...HaHa!!) "Love makes the world go around" ~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~ [This message has been edited by garysgirl (11-12-2002 02:52 AM).] |
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