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Open Poetry #23
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Sonnet
| Open Poetry #23 |
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Sonnet |
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blues hearted lady New Member
since 2002-11-07
Posts 9Melbourne, AUS |
Hi - I'm new here, and I hope you all like my poems. I've really enjoyed yours. *** On Age and Time, from One too Young O tell me, Wind, and lie not to this heart, Thou keeper of the secrets of tomorrow: Will he and I spend my whole life apart; I e’en a second of his dear life borrow? I’ll live, shall I, my best years through his worst? Pathetic Youth, so ever mocked by Time! And cursèd Age, in justice not well-versed – They ever climb to clock’s whip, ever climb. Time laughs at me, O Wind – I can't be brave, For to his laughter cruel, all breathe last breath! Ne’er lie with love but weeping on his grave: My love, ne’er close we’ll sleep until thy death, And wretched Life after that tort’rous day! When my one love’s in ground as dead things lay. bhl |
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| © Copyright 2002 blues hearted lady - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
My, we have some talented poets in Australia, and even more in Victoria. Welcome and I hope you stay a while. I enjoyed your sonnet very much Kethry Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
I like this, has that tone which reaches to me, But, Minor point, meter, You should make minor adjustment for more precision 10,11,10,11 10,10,9,10 10,10,10,10 10,10 as I count, perhaps my pronunciation is different. The first lines of each stanza has a different flow O tell me, Wind, and lie not to this heart, I’ll live, shall I, my best years through his worst? Time laughs at me, O Wind – I can't be brave, The staring line of a stanza unifies the poem And if possible should maintain the flow, especially in stricter forms, Example of possible modifications: Tell me, O wind, and lie not to this heart I’ll live, shall I, my best years through his worse? Time laughs, O wind, at me I can’t be brave. I hope you don’t mistake these comment’s meanings I truly enjoyed your sonnet Gloom |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
  WOW!!! Oh my gosh, my oh my, we do indeed have many talented Australian poets, and your heart shines with the spirit of Shakespeare here, I LOVE IT, this is a golden debut! Welcome to Passions, sweet friend, may you be inspired by all of us here as we will all be inspired by your lovely words! I can't wait to read more of your lovely words, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!   May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." Shakira [This message has been edited by Mistletoe Angel (11-08-2002 08:22 AM).] |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
blues hearted lady Perhaps what gloom has said is true, but I enjoyed the read. Welcome |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Welcome to Passions! A lovely sonnet you have presented for your entrance! Please check you email for a special greeting. ~Hugs & Smiles, Nancy~ ~I've loved you forever, in lifetimes before.~ |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
WELCOME TO PASSIONS IN POETRY !! I don't know all the technical sides to poetry, but I can tell talent and feeling when I read it. I read both in this poetry. Thanks for sharing with us and I look forward to seeing more of your work. "Love makes the world go around" |
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blues hearted lady New Member
since 2002-11-07
Posts 9Melbourne, AUS |
Thank you all sincerely for your responses - I've never had so many nice things said about me at once! It's uplifting. And, Gloom and anyone else who thinks likewise, I appreciate the criticism (I don't take it wrong) but I really can't see the differences in meter that you see. It's either a) different pronounciations, b) different perceptions on the form etc or c) I'm blind to it because I've read it so many times. Can't see the forest for the trees, so to speak. Any further comments will be welcomed... Thank you all for you kindness - it means a lot that these little fourteen lines have been appreciated. bhl |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Welcome to Passions! I believe you're going to find many helping hands, because you are so willing to listen. Many voices will come to speak to you in your days here at Passions, and you're going to fit right in. Any questions, all you need do is knock on our doors! Karilea |
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Connel
since 2002-11-04
Posts 736Florida, USA |
Welcome to passions!.. You are going to love it here.. This place is one of the best places to come to if you are interested in poetry.. And you will get better, with the nice people here who are always trying to help.. Everyone here will always help you out whenever you need it.. Just make sure you ask for it! Enjoyed the poem. Thank you for sharing. I wish to become a great poet some day, but it will only come in time. Til then, I shall write my poems, and wait. |
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