Don't waste another word (Connel's challenge, is he trying to kill me?)

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Open Poetry #23

Don't waste another word (Connel's challenge, is he trying to kill me?)

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

0 posted 2002-11-07 01:44 PM

PLEASE GO EASY ON ME. I MIGHT HAVE REPEATED ONE WORD. I TRIED MY HARDEST

GUIDELINES:You cannot use these words In the poem;
the, can't, that, love, challenge, how, do, and, I, me, we, they.

AND -> The middle words must rhyme….

Example -
Blah Blah
Blah rhyme
blah rhyme
blah blah.

The poem must be 10 lines long..CANT USE A SINGLE WORD TWICE!.. Every live must be at least 3 words long..

Sense it is a little hard, ill let you use one of the words that you cant use.END QUOTE

Dodging bullets of my past
Like flying dove, an arctic blast
To fast, no stopping, only one way out,
As if I’m dropping, to skies I shout
Need to fly, away from pain
Don’t wana die, just try, please gain
Singing loud for worlds to hear
Stand out from crowds, I've tried this year
Original, one-of-a-kind
Can people see, some are so blind.

My illegal word was I

[This message has been edited by Wind (11-07-2002 01:47 PM).]

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

1 posted 2002-11-07 02:41 PM

Well done, Wind.
You might drop the 'I' and just stick in a comma...would that work for you?

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant

since 2002-06-08

Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA

2 posted 2002-11-07 03:17 PM

Awesome write, Wind

Cold hands means a warm heart

Connel

Senior Member

since 2002-11-04

Posts 736
Florida, USA

3 posted 2002-11-07 03:23 PM

Nice,... You used pain twice.. But ill let it slide, but try and fix it.. But overall,.. Its a good poem for the words that you couldnt use.

I wish to become a great poet some day, but it will only come in time. Til then, I shall write my poems, and wait.

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

4 posted 2002-11-07 04:31 PM

What? i only see one pain....

"Sticks and stones will break my bones,
But words will break my heart"

majnu

Senior Member

since 2002-10-13

Posts 1088
SF Bay Area

5 posted 2002-11-07 05:42 PM

sorry to be a pain, but you repeated "I" as part of contractions.

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

6 posted 2002-11-07 05:49 PM

I don't think contractions count. Thats just like subsituting a word, by joining it. Don't wory, you're not being a pain. like I said, I like critiques, and it is true. Thanks for noticing though.

Connel

Senior Member

since 2002-11-04

Posts 736
Florida, USA

7 posted 2002-11-07 09:57 PM

Yeah,.. contractions dont count,.. I should have said that in the challenge.

I wish to become a great poet some day, but it will only come in time. Til then, I shall write my poems, and wait.

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

8 posted 2002-11-07 10:47 PM

(big hugggssssssss) Oh Liz, this is excellent, you have done a wonderful job with the challenge, I love it, this is marvelous, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Liz, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

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