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Teen Poetry #6
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| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Ugly |
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devinechild22 Senior Member
since 2002-08-28
Posts 571
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I understand if this cannot be posted on the site..it is a very serious issue that I wanted to address. She stands in the mirror Bones popping out Yet she`s still fat She grabs her skin Trying to hold back her stomach To herself she is ugly So many imperfections overwhelm her To everyone else She needs help One day she fainted Right into her boyfriends arms No food for months She is full of famine They rushed her to the hospital "Don`t know if she`ll make it" "My god she is so skinny" One nurse says As she wipes away a tear Not sure this one will make it Will she come back as head cheerleader As the most popular girl The girl that had it all? The one that would`ve made homecoming queen At the dance next fall "Don`t think this one will make it" As the heart monitor goes flat "My what a shame" The crying nurse turns her back Too bad she thought she was ugly For if you believe you are beautiful You will rise above them all And by hating yourself in such ways You will hurt someone or many besides yourself Someday ____________________________________________________ This one is a pretty serious poem..not just about lovey-dovey stuff as usual.. *Allison* "Sorry I`m not home right now. I`m walkin in the spiderwebs so leave a message and I`ll call you back." |
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| © Copyright 2002 Allison Colgrove - All Rights Reserved | |||
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xxxnuttyangelxxx Member
since 2002-12-06
Posts 72New York |
This was a very strong poem. I enjoyed it very much ..It was a good topic to write about. You wrote very well thank you for the read it was deff a great poem!! shea |
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WinterWren Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044...Coming to |
That was VERY good! And so sad, but true. It's horrible what people do to themselves to be accepted by society. WinterWren |
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Rainbowdust Member
since 2002-12-05
Posts 320Sydney, Australia |
"She is full of famine".. great paradox here Allison.  The soul would have no rainbows, had the eyes no tears. |
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
I think this would work better as a piece of prose rather than poetry. It's a hard subject to write, and you did it fairly well. But as it stands it's more like you wrote a piece of prose and broke it into lines. But don't get me wrong, there is great prose out there, so there is nothing wrong with something being prose. So as a suggestion, I would say take the idea and write a story because it is closer to a story than it is to a poem. Good job on a tough topic though. Casey |
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devinechild22 Senior Member
since 2002-08-28
Posts 571 |
Thank you for all of your opinions..I really appreciate them.. *Allison* "Sorry I`m not home right now. I`m walkin in the spiderwebs so leave a message and I`ll call you back." |
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PoeticGoddessOfDepression Member
since 2002-07-02
Posts 439I am everywhere |
Hi!! Sorry for the delay. Skinny girls suck, god they're so dumb. No not really.. (not only was that mean, but untrue) most of my friends are skinny girls (yes allison, ur one of them) but anyway..... I liked this. It did seem more of a story than a poem, but it was good. I liked how it mixed. A very serious subject, indeed. (lol--indeed) I hope you never do anything like that!! You'd better not! good write, ali. ~sara |
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foreverwithyou Member
since 2002-10-20
Posts 204Wonderland |
ok yea this was good but if this was about u then ARGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!you're not fat!!!!!but i dont think this was about u cuz u r not fat and u havnt been starving yourself so yea man cuz at lunch wen we say all the austin powerz stuff we r alwayz eating u no "numba 2.You're lookin healthy (and yung??) Frow....you're looking......................RIGHTTTTTTT" JOHN MADE THIS BAZARE FACE AT ME TODAY HEH HEH HEH!!!i wanted to kiss him  but then i thought  ___________ $%&CATHY&%$ ----------- "I am who I am who I am who am I?" |
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dinky Member
since 2002-10-19
Posts 258 |
hey , i almost cried!  it was soo sad but yet such a great poem!! i was in a daze from the first line!! i luved it! ~samantha~ "sometimes i just feel like |
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devinechild22 Senior Member
since 2002-08-28
Posts 571 |
Thanks you guys... *Allison* |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
I disagree that it reads like prose. The lines work very well individually and don't enjamb to the point where I'd call it prose. This works well in poetic format. It is, indeed, a serious issue to address. But you've done it well. So much contrast between literal statements like "she's still fat," and "she's so skinny." I like that aspect of this piece. Excellent work, Allison. This is a touching tribute to a tragic and all-too-common situation. Parasite Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. |
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Avis Junior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 38Raleigh, NC, USA |
Hey, I'm a dude, and its my personal opinion that looks don't matter much, for guys or girls. You'll find out (if you haven't already) that there are several kinds of beauty. The most prominent ones to me are physical beauty and spiritual beauty. Yeah, physical beauty is alright, but it has very little value. The mind, on the other hand, is what really makes a person beautiful. Just something that I thought would be appropriate to add. Peace and Love, |
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Avis Junior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 38Raleigh, NC, USA |
Also, very true words. Thanks for the poem! Peace and Love, |
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devinechild22 Senior Member
since 2002-08-28
Posts 571 |
Thanks Brian..I really enjoy hearing your comments.They really help. Kev- I definately have figured out..You can ask Dinks or Sara or Cathy..I`m goin through it right now..Thanks for the reply.. *Allison* |
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