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Teen Poetry #6

My Remme Remme

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

0 posted 2002-12-07 09:43 PM

She's painting portraits in her mind
hiding in the shadows
with the candy apples
green and red, with caramel
her hands are shaking
and all she ever wants
is to jump out the window.

Shaking hands grasp
the metal gates of this
psych ward world
she's stumbled to the edge again
and she's waiting for
the telephone to ring again
as she enters this
screaming mania

Rescue squad never comes,
she's sea sick and stumbling
but there's no where to go.
She just wants out.

"Wie ein Quadrat in einem Kreis, eck' ich immer wieder an obwohl ich doch schon lange weiß, daß ich niemals ändern kann." ~Wizo

devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

1 posted 2002-12-07 10:01 PM

I was a bit confused but thats what made it good!!!! I liked it a lot!
*Allison*

Jaime

Registered

Member
Posts 250

2 posted 2002-12-07 11:54 PM

Heh.. I think it's why I don't like white as much as I used to. But I liked the cranberry juice. Still do.

Anyhow, I liked it. It's not simple or flat, but it's not crowded with too many words either. Just right.

I remember being so desperate to escape.. I think they do that on purpose. Make it horrible so you actually Want to try and 'get better'. Blah.

- Jaime

i was here

[This message has been edited by Jaime (12-07-2002 11:55 PM).]

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

3 posted 2002-12-15 03:39 AM

Allysa~
This is such a powerful write.
You have described the scene, and the emotions
that go with it, extremely well. Your words put me
in the room with her as I read.
VERY well done.
Hugs,
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

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