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knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

0 posted 2002-12-06 04:36 AM

you sleep with him,
you sleep with him.
you screw yourself,
then you screw me.

i know i'm not a beauty queen,
but you're the only one who thinks i'm ugly.
you have your perfect face and body,
yet i see the bitter in your eyes.

do you know you're a slut?
an alcoholic storing every fact,
little details that don't even matter.
try to bring me down to your level.

can i sink any farther,
past the depths of you?
i'd choke on your exhaled smoke,
drown in your wrath of self-pity.

care for nothing but yourself,
you always seem to do.
family can't let go,
but you never really held on.

“A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.”

Getting away, isn't Running away.

"The hurt that you try to hide, is killing me."

Stinky Twinkie
Member

since 2002-11-26

Posts 204
Dinwiddie

1 posted 2002-12-06 08:55 AM

that was damn good. That's all I can say.

-Stinky Twinkie-

PrincessNets
Member

since 2002-10-30

Posts 103
NewYork, USA

2 posted 2002-12-06 09:41 AM

I think that this was a great poem. There are a lot of emotions expressed in this piece, I really loved it. I loved the lines:
I know I am not a beauty queen
But you are the only one who thinks I am ugly.
All, I can say now is wow!

-Jeanette-

[This message has been edited by PrincessNets (12-06-2002 09:42 AM).]

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

3 posted 2002-12-06 09:50 AM

Wonderfully written. So bitter...so real, and I loved it.
Hope all is well.

Jenn

"I keep looking, looking for something more." Sara Evans

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

4 posted 2002-12-06 09:50 AM

Ohh Tiff dearie..let's talk about this one k? There are two perspectives here and I only like one of them. *lots of hugs and love*
~Carly

A ruddy drop of manly blood
The surging sea outweighs;
The world uncertain comes and goes,
The lover rooted stays.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

EleanorMoonbaby
Member

since 2002-09-02

Posts 202
England, UK

5 posted 2002-12-06 10:14 AM

This was a very powerful piece. You pretty much captured the feeling of hating someone's guts. Or similar! Congrats, lady!
Ellie

"I'm terribly sorry ma'am, my karma just ran over your dogma"

LTEvans
Member

since 2002-12-06

Posts 72
Lenham, England

6 posted 2002-12-06 10:27 AM

I really enjoyed this piece. It really puts across a felling of irrational hatred (even if justified).

Maybe one suggestion;

yet i see the bitter "lie" in your eyes?

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

7 posted 2002-12-06 10:42 AM

Stinky Twinkie- lol thanks so much for the reply. i don't think i've ever got one quite like yours. i appreciate it. ^^

PrincessNets- yea, that was one of the main lines of the write that i liked as well. i'm glad you liked it dear, it means alot to me.

Jenn- hehe you thinking it was 'wonderfully written' means so much, you just don't know. i was a bit uncertain about this one when i wrote and posted it. thanks so much for the reply. and yes dear, all is well. ^^

Carly- *cuddles* glad you saw this because i'd love to hear what you got out of it. i'm very curious about your two perspectives. ^^ i'll see you later tonight lovey.

Ellie- lol yea hating this person's guts is pretty much it exactly, except for the fact it's about my sister. so yea, i suppose i have to love her just a tad bit as well. thanks for the Congrats.

LT- "irrational hatred (even if justified)" wow, i think you said it the best. i'm glad you liked it. ^^ Welcome to PiP as well. and as for the suggestion, i appreciate it, but although her lies are bitter, i did mean for it just to be her eyes that were bitter in that line.

thanks so much for the reply.

Thanks everyone, I appreciate it. ^^

“A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.”

Getting away, isn't Running away.

"The hurt that you try to hide, is killing me."

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

8 posted 2002-12-06 12:32 PM

Woah, your emotions blew me away. They were very powerful. Wonderful poem.
Laugh often, love much, live well.

WinterWren
"I want you to believe in life. Will you find out who you are too late, to change? -Dishwalla-

Rainbowdust
Member

since 2002-12-05

Posts 320
Sydney, Australia

9 posted 2002-12-06 11:36 PM

Wow.. this was amazing! Lots of talent required to make someone read a poem or hear a song and feel what the writer felt when he wrote it! I loved the first stanza; I think that's definitely what my journalism prof would have called a successful "hook"! lol.. keep writing!

The soul would have no rainbows, had the eyes no tears.

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