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Teen Poetry #6

Dark Minded

NeverSayDie
Junior Member

since 2001-01-18

Posts 39
Duluth, MN & Grand Forks ND

0 posted 2002-12-04 09:24 PM

Please let me sit here
Alone without sleep
Fighting all the time with my mind
The beast.

I can't help my thoughts
They always seem to change
Nothing quite makes sense to me
My mind is quite deranged.

Some day there can be sanity
Some nights i get some sleep
But the dark depression
Is still hiding underneath.

My mind is very powerful
It powers would amaze
But here I sit without it use
A place past insanity.

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

1 posted 2002-12-04 09:37 PM

This was a great poem, I liked it alot!

  Just one thing bothered me.  The last line of the first stanza seems like it'd sound better if it were longer....
Something like:

Please let me sit here
Alone without sleep
Fighting all the time with my mind;
The Beast whose strength runs deep.

Well, thats just my opinion.  All in all, it's a very good poem!

                                                           Rich

"You can't hurt meee!!  'Cause I've got on my cheeeeese helmet!"

[This message has been edited by HopelessRomanticGuy (12-04-2002 09:38 PM).]

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

2 posted 2002-12-05 06:12 PM

VERY good poem. I liked it alot, and not to gang up on you or anything but I have to agree with Hopeless about that 1st stanza.
Laugh often, love much, live well.

WinterWren
"I want you to believe in life. Will you find out who you are too late, to change? -Dishwalla-

Morgana Le Fay
Junior Member

since 2002-10-25

Posts 22

3 posted 2002-12-05 07:39 PM

Good poem about depression (having depression, that is). Maybe that's not entirely what you had in mind, but that is how I took it.

Perception is a funny thing, isn't it?

"I love the way we communicate. Your eyes focus on my funny lip shape." (T.A.)

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