Teen Poetry #6 |
Cleansed |
EleanorMoonbaby Member
since 2002-09-02
Posts 202England, UK |
(breathe) And under we go. Heavy, hard, calloused hands on our shoulders. (down) Pressure applied 5,4,3,2,1..... We have total immersion. (hang) Softly, suspended in liquid, sound blocked out Not daring to open our eyes. (touch) And its all oh so gentle Numb and caring. (up) Breaking out from water, feel air Like a slap in the face. (dance) In the cutting air, water drops on bare skin Like diamonds. ---------------------------------------------------- No, this ain't a poem about skinnydipping, lol! And yep, I'm aware that there's a Sarah Kane play called cleansed. Does that make me a title thief? *ponders* Ellie "I'm terribly sorry ma'am, my karma just ran over your dogma" |
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© Copyright 2002 Eleanor Warren - All Rights Reserved | |||
snoduck Member
since 2002-11-15
Posts 99Selah, WA |
i loved it! i haven't seen that type of writing around, but omg it was beautiful. i liked it so much i'm speechless. lol. i'm gonna be lookin for more from you, for real. -Erica- |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
yes, this was a unique style. i thought you wrote this well ellie. especially liked this one: quote: ahh love that feeling. “A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.” |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
ooooooooooooooooo, ver-y ver-y intriguing ellie.... Riley Morning mist clings to my face, and my soul opens up to you...... |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Ellie~ This is a well written piece. I enjoyed the images that it placed in my mind, as well as the unique style. Very nicely done. ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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