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Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

0 posted 2002-09-21 09:50 PM

Don't breathe or blink
as blinking ends the sight before,
and breathing might change
this airless space between us

Don't hold me wanting
the cream-colored weightlessness
too-close-touching,
that we've given to romance

I could never want it more,
to be back again, safe again,
a goddess in soft sheets

AngelShell
Member

since 2000-03-01

Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...

1 posted 2002-09-21 09:54 PM

This is really amazing.
It is simple in form and structure yet intensly complex in emotion.
I especially like the last stanza, I don't really know why, just struck me in a way.

Michelle.

~I haven't memorized all of the cute things to say but I'm working on it~

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

2 posted 2002-09-21 10:21 PM

I've never seen you write so...so...
simply, yet wonderful. And romantic at that.

I knew it was in you Carly.
Breathtaking.

Jenn

Why is it that we are at our most ingenius only when trying to destroy the things that keep us alive and thriving?

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

3 posted 2002-09-22 12:16 PM

I love your first stanza. It's probably my favourite of all the three.

A very interesting write, but I found it to be rather sorrowful, almost nostalgic of some time in your life. I hope all is going well.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

FuzzyFrazzledFraggle
Member

since 2002-09-20

Posts 155
Fraggle Rock

4 posted 2002-09-22 08:46 PM

I must have to agree as well loved the first stanza..all in all made me think..made me remember..now I really feel like crawling beneath my sheets and cry..

Consider yourself fuzzed

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

5 posted 2002-09-22 11:22 PM

'ello Carlita

Romantic isn't the word I would use for this. It's more sorrowful than anything else. There are hints of some sort of romance in here but I wouldn't place it as the overall theme. Nonetheless, it's a beautiful piece. Full of something we don't see from you very often.

Nice to be reading your writing again, Carlita. 'twas missed.

~AF~

"No wonder I do not make people comfortable. I am a mirror. I have far too many things to say." - Mouthing the Words

Masked Intruder

Moderator

Senior Member

since 1999-05-23

Posts 1231
Near golden sunsets

6 posted 2002-09-23 12:15 PM

The beauty of simplicity and the intrigue of complexity. Well done.

You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep. -- Navajo Proverb

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

7 posted 2002-09-23 02:13 AM

Carly~
This is most definately my favorite of yours.
This part, in particular, really grabbed me.

       "Don't breathe or blink
       as blinking ends the sight before,
       and breathing might change
       this airless space between us"

Excellent, EXCELLENT write!  Your talent is showing.
Hugs,
~Vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

8 posted 2002-09-24 04:11 AM

Your second stanza stuck. 'too-close-touching'

More wistful and yerning then sorrowful, but as ripe and ready as any poem of yours. I connected with this one more readily then your other poems- I like when that happens

.

Bring us more chicka.

Are you scared? BOO! Are you now?

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

9 posted 2002-09-24 03:36 PM

oh how I've missed reading your work. Excellent job Carly

Kiley

**You can't always trust the people you want to**

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

10 posted 2002-09-26 05:07 PM

Wow, I just love your writing, your talent never ceases to amaze me, thank your for sharing this wonderful read

Andrew

If your reading this signature I have replied to your poem, please repay the compliment :)

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

11 posted 2002-10-13 10:57 PM

I can't believe I never told you how amazing this poem was. It truly is... smashing. Just smahing. Wow. I'm sitting here, blown away, and I've already it read it.

Sincerely,
Titus

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

12 posted 2002-10-14 01:41 AM

Very well done. Short, but great. I liked this a lot carly. Quiero mas mas mas!!!

Seriously, post and reply more. You're a poet that doesn't need to be straying too far off from this place. I should know, I stranded off for a while. You are needed here!!!!

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

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