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lonelyone2032
Junior Member

since 2002-11-17

Posts 13

0 posted 2002-11-17 06:29 PM

to me u use to be the perfect image
ur smile, ur look, ur attitude
was it all just a scrimmage
a run through game to see if i was right 4 u

u were all i wanted
u were all i needed

my life would have been complete
after two years
i hoped the second year wouldn't been a repeat
i just let you mistake fly away

u were all i wanted
u were all i needed

now i lay here and cry
every morning and night
when people are near by
its all i secret kept insde

u were all i wanted
u were all i needed

my heart is broken laying on the floor
i sit here and watch it
it gets stomped on more and more
and the pain i feel makes me fall to the ground

u were all i wanted
u were all i needed

the days pass by slow
and still i want u more than ever
my love for u will continue to grow
u will live in my heart and dreams forever

u were all i wanted
and u were all i ever needed
i will never forget u
u will always be a part or me

hey guys! thanx for reading. i am new to poetry so just bear with me lol.i enjoy writing poems and reading them... but tell me what u think. much luv, Ash

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2002-11-17 07:06 PM

Welcome!

I like poetry that sort of reads like a song, and this one does. Very nice

Please check your email for a special greeting!

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

2 posted 2002-11-17 08:01 PM

I loved the poem, but I would have liked it better if you ad spelled out you instead of u. i think it would have looked a little better, and i would have apprciated it a little more. Other than that, i see nothing wrong.

"Sticks and stones will break my bones,
But words will break my heart"

rOxXbabY391
Member

since 2002-12-14

Posts 71

3 posted 2002-12-19 04:17 PM

WOW another GGREAT poem... loll I lUv It A!
~*~eMiLu~*~

"I don't think I can make it through one more night. 'Cause how do you answer "What's wrong?" ~ when nothing is right."

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

4 posted 2002-12-19 11:57 PM

That was a really wonderful first post, you have alot of talent. And I have to agree with Wind about the spelling of you, it took away from your work.

WinterWren
"I want you to believe in life. Will you find out who you are too late, to change?" -Dishwalla-

LTEvans
Member

since 2002-12-06

Posts 72
Lenham, England

5 posted 2002-12-20 11:55 AM

Intresting poem. I also am forced to agree about the spelling it did distract somewhat from the overall effect of the poem

Solipsism saves us from the atavism of the Equalitarian.

LTEvans

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